Maybell VI

[Mat]

Sounds like you had a 180 - both of you!!

Forgive me for going on a tangent, but I had an experience that made me think of you and I wanted to share it, I think you'll be interested.

So yesterday, after I came back from a meetup group (which comprises a very sweet, delightfully pretty young lady that made me consider getting into the dating scene, but I digress), I managed to get my parents on video chat.

I'd say my parents are a bit like your mom - do not accept we're adults, and have meddling tendencies. The three siblings dealt with it in different ways. Oldest had a rebellious phase but ended up reproducing their lifestyles, only trying to better it on a professional and relationship level. Youngest, I am sad to say, had to fight low self-esteem and insecurity but it looks he's winning the fight now. Me, I rebelled, moved continents, and now we get along great! Obviously not everything is the parents' fault; but nonetheless this is how we turned out.

So we were talking about this and that mundane thing, and my situation came up. Upon learning that W was seeing someone, he decided to advise me to "put my pants on" and settle this once and for all. "hey, but it's your life". I am glad I chickened out - I could have gotten back into our destructive teenage-era arguments that would be really hard to mend now. Instead I switched topics.

Today I was still seething, and depressed at the same time. Why take hope away like this, because you don't like the idea of your son being what, a passive cuckold or something? How does he think he knows enough to make that determination?

Anyway that's when I started thinking about you and your thread, the whole reverting into child-mode again. It's crazy how that happens. The fact that I go spend holidays there, let my mom cook for me, etc, enables this. I need to start acting like an adult around them to get that respect. Not by being a smarta$$ or attempting dominating behaviour, but by setting boundaries and being calm, and modelling the behaviour I expect.

This isn't my insight - I got it all from you and labug on this thread! I thought you'd find the story entertaining.

The epilogue of this, is that my mood has turned around. How? A kickboxing session with a friendly group, and kind, motivational coaches.

So in the off chance that I may leave you with a piece of wisdom that you don't have already - have you thought of taking a class just for you? Or a book club? I know you're getting a job, which is hugely validating and developmental, so perhaps that'll do the trick.

I'm also going to bed early, because for me, tiredness and negative spiral thinking go hand in hand. I know how demanding your life is - I don't know if there's anything you can do about energy levels, but I really admire how you keep fighting in spite of all the demands on your energy.

There!

Talk later.