Not sure what to do

[sandi2]

You guys keep talking to me as if I have this diabolical mind. I don’t.

Well I, for one, certainly didn't mean to give that impression. I would really like to help you understand where your W is coming from, if I can. But please don't be too sensitive b/c everything can't be said at one time in one post, so it may come across more bluntly than intended, IDK.

I know I don’t understand women. I never did. I was a dud at dating. And I certainly don’t understand my wife. But she made it really easy to be married to her. So I didn’t have to understand her.

And that's probably the problem right there ^. I not only try to tell LBH's about WAW's and their mindset, but maybe....just maybe I can share with you a little about a W who feels her H doesn't have her back.

Your description of the nice part of your W sounds beautiful. Has she ever heard you say those exact things to her? You see, some husbands assume she "knows" all of that already. But that's beside the point. A woman needs to hear it from him.....and some women need to hear it a lot.

She may be the most beautiful, talented, successful lady in town. She may get praises everywhere she goes. She may hear it a hundred times a day from people. But what you think of her....is most important over anyone else. You may think that she already "knows" how & what you think of her. But that's not the point. A woman needs to HEAR it from her man. (And I am referring to her hearing positive comments from you, like the ones you said about her nice side. Negative comments will tear her down.)

You may see her as the most confident woman ever. She probably is confident! You see her as being emotionally independent. But even the best player on the team still likes to be cheered on. The best employee wants to hear he/she is doing a great job from the boss. Don't you agree? And I'm not suggesting you never say anything nice, but sometimes after we have been M a few years, we get kind of lazy in stroking their ego.

So, she still needs to hear you say positive things about her...and to her. Some men think, "Well, she already knows...so why do I need to tell her what she already knows?"

I believe most human beings have emotional needs. I don't think it makes us emotionally "dependent" on another person. I just believe it's one of the things that makes us human. I think we can have a healthy self esteem and have emotional needs. I just say that to let you know where I'm coming from and not to imply you don't know it.

It's difficult for us to accept criticism from our S. We want them to cherish us....not to find fault in us. It can cause a lot of hurt (depending on the situation, how the criticism was expressed, timing, etc.) But when or if the criticism from our S is expressed to us in front of others....or expressed to others behind our back, it seems to multiply the pain b/c we have other emotions added (embarrassment, anger, sense of betrayal, etc.)

I don't know if your wedding vows has this part or not.....
“Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else”. It doesn't mean we can't have others in our life, but our S is to be set above anyone and anything else. Even our extended families. (The only exception is God.) The Bible commands the woman to respect her husband, and the man to love his wife. Interesting, don't you think? A man may feel he is being disrespected if his W criticizes him in front of others, but a woman can feel as if he is betraying her. Even those with healthy self-esteem can feel less than the most loved by her H, at that moment. Yes, she "knows" he loves her but it's the betrayal she "feels" that causes the hurt and plants a seed of resentment that will start to grow. He was suppose to be her protector and defender! But instead, she feels as if he is the one slaying her.

This post is getting way too wordy so I'll have to continue in the next one. I hope you'll be patient with me while I try to get this out.