Feeling stronger than ever

[mleigh4]

Patience. You guys are not kidding when you say this journey will require all the patience you can dig up. H and I continue having some good R talks. They have been talks, not fights, which is a great change for us. But they continue to be H doing the blame game. He continues to blame his feelings on my neglect. I do validate, always, and let him know I am looking at my parts in this and working on making changes in myself to be a better partner. Now, he is acknowledging my changes, but says he doesn't feel they are genuine changes.

I am listening to you Job, I know he is looking at things in his own way. It may be against the DB rules, but I had to remind him to look at his own part in this, and until he does we will not be able to move forward from this.

I continue to dig deep, oh so deep. I worry though, I am running out of fight, running out of motivation. I feel myself starting to feel the way I did when I shut down with him before. I wasn't that far out of my own fog when he shut down, and now I've been thrown a year's worth of battle and fight, when I didn't have much left in me to begin with. I feel a little panicked, that by the time he comes around, I am going to be done. I know that is up to me to figure out, I am reaching out everywhere for that strength.

For the vets on here, do you think my H is at a point where he is starting to test me? He seems to be reaching out a bit, I definitely see signs that he is in this, and he is working on some minor changes to help keep the harmony in our home. But overall, he is the same person he was a year ago, still sitting in limbo land and not willing to look at himself for any changes. Is this part of the journey they go through, to test us to see if our changes are genuine before they work on theirs?