Nightvision on: The owl & the WAW

[Ggrass]

Raz raz, you were norty, hands over a roll of gold plated duct tape and a tshirt that reads

We all back slide!
Now there your a card carrying tshirt club member.

I heard this on the radio last night, not sure if its a hit in the USA. Boy tho its sooooo true.
It's about a death, but it applies now to all of us. You need to ala it think of it like a death.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tFFq31fBoeI
It's a music clip by ms delta goodrem, who I have met in passing.

[rayzzz]

Thanks Wonka. I need to remember to diffuse myself and make sure I don't see her when I am out of sorts and emotionally in a negative head space
Very much needed 2x4 to my head
No more tit for tat blaming. I have two more days before switching kids again. Gonna make sure I get back in the game. So glad I can keep learning and move ahead in db

[GoatGal]

Rayzzz,

Thanks for stopping by my thread while I was MIA in GAL-Land!
I have been checking up on you, seeing what life is like in the Bat-Cave these days. I keep tabs on everybody... just been in incognito mode.

I see there has been some hoodie-sniffing, some tee shirts on order,
("Yes, I TOO Have SLID BACKWARDS and All I Got Was This Lousy Tee-Shirt!),
some realizations, and a bit of evolution for the Bat.

R: "Gigong was outside at a park. I know! Just like them David Carradine from Kung-Fu. "Hiyaa!" My other one is weekend Kareoke (you should hear my Maroon 5 "pay phone" I slaughter it but it feels so good!")"

Batman has now morphed with Grasshopper and Adam Levine. I wonder what he looks like these days!!!
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R: "Pressing on with DBing...pressing on..."
For some reason, that Jack White song really depressed me.

So I invite you to check out "Lee Press-On and the Nails"!
A little more upbeat, if you don't mind my suggestion.

All that "twisting the knife" and "smashing fingers" is way too much like the stations of the cross for love, IMHO. Very lurid.
I'm sticking with the vision of you sniffing the hoodie...

Oh great. Now I've got that scene with Dennis Hopper in "Blue Velvet" stuck in my head.

Changing the subject;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;!
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R: "I found where my "home" is now in separation. Its wherever I am with my kids. These 3 weeks have been brutal..."

I know it's brutal and I'm so sorry. But I'm glad you realized that home is where the heart is, and that's with your kids.
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R: "I was just in so much pain and was stewing a bit...told her " hope you like the revenge you are taking out on me in this separation..." and here's a classic one "well its YOUR life...you chose this(separation)...don't complain to me when its hard"

I've done the same. More than once. And GUBU still speaks to me.
He's unhappy... we both know it now and I think he wants ME to ask him to come home, but NO CAN DO, GUBU.
He's not even close to being anywhere close to being near anything I need him to be.
As they say, "He's not done baking yet."
I think he keeps popping out of the oven before the timer goes off.
(You know, they never do get cooked all the way through that way and I always like the crunchy bits best. I think there is also a health hazard if they're undercooked. I guess I should invest in a thermometer to make sure sure it's safe.)

Anyhow, I'd rather be alone, thankyouverymuch.

But it does kind of make me chuckle to myself when he wants me to feel sorry for him being lonely, or he gets mad at me because I'm so much happier than he is!
I know that was not in his plan.

La-dee-dah and There Ya Go, GUBU.
You got what you wanted and you're not happy?
Oh well... See ya!

I don't need to rub it in. I tried that before but it backfired.
Now I just continue to be happy and let him continue to be miserable.
If he wants to change this, he will.
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Wonka: "It looks like you forgot your STFU bottle, eh."
Yep. Been there and save me a tee-shirt, will ya?
I like the "Baby Doll" style, Extra Large.

I think you sometimes have a bottle, but it's got a different label on it, right? I think---YES!
Better keep a flask of STFU in your back pocket at all times.
You never know when it might come in handy. Works for me!
---------------------------------

And with that, I thought of you when I ordered my "new" (vintage) Tenor Guitar.
It's an old-timey thing, an instrument that started back in the old days when jazz bands were transitioning from banjos to guitars. (Way before anything electric was happening. Which is the stuff I like.)
There aren't many around now, and there is some great vintage stuff on eBay. I try not to look...

It was a natural transition from being a guitar player, to a ukulele player, to a vintage jazz/blues player....

I should get it today and I am psyched.

I'll let you know how it goes!
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Meanwhile, in my mind's eye I am putting Grasshopper legs on Batman and handing him a microphone...

(And yes, I can see him onstage, turning his back to have a hoodie sniff, and a shot from his hidden flask of STFU juice! Keeping it on the down low so the audience doesn't get wise.... )

Keep on hanging--upside down!

Your Pal,

---GGG
(TRIPLE G!)

[rayzzz]

Thanks GGG! I have missed thee! Tenor guitar? I used to play tenor sax in Jazz band...you would have crushed on me back then...with my blue highlighted hair and duran duran t-shirt.

Yeah I decided to quit sleeping with the hoodie as my pillow! DETACH! What would robin say? or superman? "That thing is kryptonite bruce...bury the hoodie for awhile"

Yeah for my own good I have to keep mentally "ignoring her" and "forgetaboutit"

Wish you were in Canada...going GALing tonight a la Kareoke....working on Mr Brightside...more cheery than Jack White ( he broke up with his supermodel wife hence the angst in his record...think you and I could win a grammy for a WAS-MLC collaboration..in G# please)

ok hopping on with my new grasshopper leggys

[rayzzz]

Start my new job Friday! Hurray! This being my second job I am gonna be back to being a wage earner and this time around be consistent with it and be more responsible with money. WAW resented always having to work pt but I just didn`t hear her...she is a terrible communicator as well...but I guess that makes me a terrible listener.

My new motto;`

Ìf I don`t work, she wont`look

This is gonna impact for sure, of this I am confident
Apart from that I moved into a new place with another roommate who`s house is more kid friendly. Thats a relief as the last place the kids had to walk on egg shells as the guy was super anal about anything being touched let alone broken. Sheesh.

Did Ultimate Frisbee yesterday so that was good and am thinking of one new GAL...ready...unicycle!

Yep. That will take tons of balance concentration and help me detach even more.

My heart is ok right now...you take the times of relief when you can. I miss her so much but better get on with db. slow. steady.

[rayzzz]

SO. Kids told me WAW had a new guy friend join her with my BiL for dinner last night. FML. Jealous of course..kinda blew through my shield of detachment. Pretty sure it is some kind of EA. Maybe thats why she was extra defensive this morning when I dropped off kids. kept myself from being goaded into a fight...hurray DB training..cool, validating, calm, deflecting comments she was attacking with. So GAL today with big park/bike ride with kids in one of the best never been to places in the city. Gonna gather some friends to hang out to and start work next week, my 2nd job.
I am also back at getsomeheadspace.com for daily meditation I did for a straight four months after the S_it hit the fan...fell away and getting more intentional...really helps settle me
So ok...this changes things...detaching shield recieved a huge frackin crack but I am gonna buff that things smooth. Waw..grrrrr
Ok peeps

[rayzzz]

bump. other man EA. frack me.

[rayzzz]

Guys throw me a vet rope...there is a OM. Explains alot. Hss taken the wind out of my db sales. I am like 60% detached now...I just don't feel like fighting right now when the beauty I am trying to rescue has been a B&^tch and playing me. GALing and detaching. Going dark is just easy as pie now. Haven't told her I know yet, just waiting for the right time. Gonna try to be cheerful when I drop off kids today but it will more likely be cool, distant and very short. Not mean like I feel but very sparse interactions so I can get out of there.

[CaliGuy]

Rayzzz .... I am no vet ... but hope what I have to say helps you

my WAW left in Nov13, was not till in Jan14 (After the holidays of ... wtf is she so distant for) was the OM revealed to me by her by sating .. "We all made mistakes, and I regret sharing things with another man besides you" .... I blew up, and had several blow ups after pushing her further towards him ... a guy she admits "is not you" ... "he doesnt love me the right way" and "its not complete"

My advice .. you are hurt .. I get it ... but you need to work on you, nothing you say about OM is going to help, be the H she would be a fool to leave, GAL, detach and become the better version of you. There is no "good time" for you to bring up OM as she will defend her actions .. and her OM. Dont engage, .... what helped me was my IC ... ask yourself what are the results of my actions if I (Enter item here) ... results of fights push her away, results of you getting angry push her away , results of you pouting/moping/begging push her away.
Good luck I look forward to your progress.

[GoatGal]

Oh..... Dude!!!!


You have my condolences.
Welcome to the Sh*ttiest Club ever.
Which is only a good one to join because so many cool people are in it!!!


Right now--- grab that STFU bottle, take a BIG OLD SWIG.

Now take another one.

Feel better?

Make sure you do your venting on here and NOT TO YOUR W!!!

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Right now your head is reeling, your heart is breaking, and you probably feel sick. At least that's usually how it goes.

You are not alone, not by a long shot.

My hand is out--so grab onto it---and listen....
-------------------

This is NOT the end for you.
It is an explanation for some things that haven't made sense until now.

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, my friend!

Do not fear it.

In fact. FEAR NOTHING.
Call up your inner Batman and ask yourself:
"What would The Bat do?"

He'd be cool.
He'd keep it together.
(Except in the most remote recesses of Wayne Manor, where even Bruce might have a manly cry in private. Hey, he's human, right?)

Personally, if/until it is ever fully thought out, knowing you're doing it for all the right reasons, with support from the vets here, DO NOT TIP YOUR HAND.

There is plenty of time for that, so don't go off half-cocked out of pain and shock.

Find a way to distance yourself, be busy, drop off the radar for awhile while you mull this over and calculate how best to handle it.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO 'DO' ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

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Your challenge has just gotten a whole lot bigger.

Are you up for it?

I think you might be. You just need to believe it.
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Rayzzz... I'm so sorry.

This is the time to use those thought-stopping, redirecting, meditative techniques and try as hard as you can to hold yourself together.

After all, this has been the truth, you're just dealing with the reality of it up close and personal.

It's not going to kill you, although it might feel like it.

You will be stronger and you can handle this.

Just don't say anything to her or anyone else.
It's "business as usual" for the time being EXCEPT ON THIS BOARD.

OK--GO!


Your Pal,

---GGG