This. It was my biggest obstacle. And the more stories I read on here, the more I realize that it's something with which most everyone struggles when a M is on the brink.
That feeling of fear is REAL. We don't want to lose our spouses.
But we've already lost them. So what more do you stand to lose by dropping the rope, refusing to accept unacceptable behavior and moving on with your own life, knowing you'd LOVE to have your W back ... but also knowing you'd be okay without her?
Once you realize that, you will begin to naturally stop acting out of fear.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014