Hi BF, The thing about being M is that you are supposed to be able to show your "true colors" to this person, and they theirs. We ALL have a part of ourselves that we don't share with the world at large. Our S's are supposed to be the person that we can relax and be who we are, warts and all, with at all times. We all have a "not so pretty" side, issues that we keep hidden. Part of a M is that you except this other person knowing that, like everyone, they have flaws but you love them not in spite of those flaws but also because of them! I knew my W had issues, she has a hard time trusting other people, she gets angry when she's hungry and acts like a diva, there is a list. The thing is I loved her just the same. I accepted that she had reasons for feeling the way she did, for acting out at times and I wanted her to know that she was safe to act the way she wanted and I wouldn't judge her because of it. Sure at the time she was acting out it wasn't "fun" but I knew that she had had a hard childhood, a father who was a judgemental a$$. That she felt abandoned by her father and like she had to take care of her mother after he left. I wanted her to know that it was "safe" for her to act out and I would be there once it blew over.
This is what a mature loving M is all about. You have to take the good with the bad. No one is perfect, no one can be the perfect wife or husband all the time. Your H knew your issues before and still loved you. Your "issues" didn't drive him into his MLC or cause him to have a crisis. If we had to be perfect S's at all times for a M to work, no one would ever stay M! If our S's are looking for the 'perfect" person to spend their lives with, they will NEVER find that. It was HIS choice to be intimidated. He lost his confidence not because of anything about you or you did or didn't do but because of his own thoughts and problems.
Sometimes it's hard when we get the "spew" from our S's because there are, in every M, things that we know we could have done different. Things about ourselves that "aren't pretty". It doesn't justify what your H is doing and it doesn't make you at all at fault for what he CHOOSES to do! Always keep this in mind when dealing with your H.
