The question about the ring led to a long exchange about where his head is.
Seems pretty clear he's in a midlife crisis. He doesn't want to be involved with anyone right now, and while he values me and feels warmly toward me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me either. He actually said he just has to go through his process and it's going to take as long as it takes.
I asked him go consider going back to the IC because he needs to have access to a third party who doesn't have an investment in his outcomes. He said he would consider it but work is really busy. We talked for a bit about what he's working towards and how he's let his life become so consumed with work that it has destroyed every other thing in it. He said he likes his job and that he isn't sure what he wants from his life.
I asked him to put his ring back on and he said he'd wear it for me but he didn't want to make a promise he might end up breaking. I said if it was between the ring and the IC I'd rather he do the IC so he said he'd reach out and try a session or two and see if it made a difference to him.
That's OK with me. And now that I feel like I understand where his head is better it makes ALL the difference to me.
He repeated his invitation to dinner with the kids. I'm still thinking about it. Not sure what I'll decide. I do feel like if we can weather this somehow then we have a good chance of fixing the marriage. He doesn't want to hurt me, he wants me to keep liking him, he recognizes it's been a year-long nightmare... It may turn out OK. At least, I can sort of see a path.
And that path begins with me putting him on the backburner and getting on with my life. So, in the words of the Tenth Doctor...
Allons-y!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
