just reporting in. been busy as heck lately - changed places to fla for a month or so- pick up neices kids in afternoons- we "play" and sweat alot- it's hot as hell here. but house has central a/c so can always just stay in. reverse cabin-fever.
i like not being alone allll the time. h is being pleasant and fun- idk why??/ i don't like to notice about self that i'm suspicious and always assume the worst and that he is lyhing about everything in the universe. no kidding- oh well, i guess that's what liars inspire in the rest of us- no darn trust.
i'm interested to note it doesn't make me feel 'sick" - i am more neutral about it "detachment"???? we wonder.
i feel "outide" of him and his life and sitch- i'm not sure where i fit in here in his life- don't care enough to ask tho. just havin my own life, painting a bit, playw ith the kids, visit friends, goof off in general - - he's playin tennis and doing what he does- workin out, etc. it's a bit wierd to feel all objective here. i feel badly that i am that objective- but then, it's nice to not feel all hurt and invested. i honestly don't know what i think about this guy and this life. it's not my ideal- it's okay for the moment since i don't have anhythin better to be doing and anyone better to be doin it with.
goin with it-
it's nice to be away from nj and the stress of the estate stuff and my sisters and their bunches of drama and feuding.
so that's pleasant- brain shut off- well, except for important stuff like jerking around in the spa or baby pool with two tiny kids- painting stuff and our nails and polish alllover creation - playign dressups - eating food we shouldn't in places we shouldn't. just goofin around in general- i forget how relaxing kids are when you let go and quit being all "got rules" and adultie. since i'm not their parent and don't HAVE TO - i'm not.
so all in all- nice break. brain on float- i don't have much to say- (whatta surprise huh?) - i guess i'll go take a nap while house is quiet- been gardening ALOT - just feels good to tidy up here a bit too in the gardens. have lots of great plants tht are just overgrown and can't see them- as i dig around- finding all kinds of worthwile bromiliads and things we could actually do some nice landscaping with- when everything that is undesireable gets gone...-
i don't know a thing- hope you're all good. i'm outta here.
