Hi Mighty, Yes, it has been very frustrating! When I told her that her Dr either didn't say that or if he did I should sue him for malpractice, my W told me that I just didn't want to "see the truth"! I wonder how many M's that guy has ruined with poor advice like that. He isn't even a mental health professional, he's just a GP. When my W was seeing a Psychiatrist he told her that sexual side effects were caused by the meds. She stopped seeing him and went to her GP instead to "save money" when she went back on them and got this crap "advice". I do think at times that I would love to sue the guy as it says right on the label that there are sexual side effects but he supposedly knows better. Of course he is newly D and single himself (his kids went to the same school as our D's)and probably is anti marriage. Who knows, maybe he's dating his female patients (LOL)!
MLC is all about blame IMO. If they feel bad, it must be because of something outside of themselves. I could have easily blamed my W if I was unhappy while she was so depressed and I had to take over so many of the responsibilities of running a home and family. But I knew it was up to me, that my W was sick and it was up to me to keep things going until she got better. She just never got better. Oh, she wanted to believe she was better. She threw herself into her work, neglected her family and kept herself always moving but she lost the ability to care about the things that used to be important to her. The more I tried to get her to be more involved with me and the kids, the more resentful she became.
So it sounds like your H was like my W. Wanting to believe that all that they had to do was get away from us and all would be happy in the world. For him to say "It's not a relief" is just so crazy if you think about it. He got the thing he said he needed. He should be relieved and happy. If he's not wouldn't you think that would make them stop and reassess things? No, not for the MLCer.
My W has told our D19 that she feels like she "Made a wrong turn somewhere in my life". So, does that mean that she is starting to see that her M isn't the cause? Who knows. My poor D19 is just left wondering what that means and why her mother has just thrown away her father and broken up her family. Heather has said that this may just help my girls value their H's and families more in the future. I would think that was the case but my W had the same type of thing happen to her when her father left her mother for OW. I always thought that because of this, because she saw first hand the pain caused by D that my W would never do the same to her family. She said as much for 25 years before B-day. But just like an MLCer she has started to do everything she always swore she would never do and won't stop even when it's not having the desired effect. For all those that come on the boards and say that many LBS's WANT the WAS to be having an MLC (even when they're not).... that is the last thing anyone who is going through a S having an MLC would ever want! If my W was just a WAS there would be the hope that once she saw that she isn't getting the results that she had hoped, she may stop and think maybe she was wrong. With MLC that just can't happen. They aren't in their right minds and can't think logically, can't see what everyone around them see's so clearly! No, I would rather it not be MLC for sure.
Thanks for the support Mighty. I know how hard your sitch is and I want to say you are handling it better than most others would! We'll both get through this and be better for it. We can only hope that our S's can wake up before they destroy themselves completely.
