What to do when an EA involved?

[sandi2]

I can see your pain in the posts you've written. I'm sure this must be so hard to understand what's happening to her.

I know I'm not suppose to think or care about what she does because I can't change it but it hurts so much to think she spent the night with the OM.

Let's look at this again, okay? You are suppose to care about what she does b/c she's your W and you love her. Of course it hurts to think she may have spent the night with OM! (Do you know for certain she stayed with him?)

If you didn't care about what she does, you'd probably check out and move on. I believe the point you may be thinking about is to not allow her actions to take over your life and cause you to react with negative behavior. It's only human to feel the pain our loved ones can inflict upon us. But it is up to us in what we do with it. We can react in every negative, unproductive, unattractive, and unhealthy way imaginable....or we can do the opposite.

We say divorce busting is counter-intuitive b/c it really does seem to be the opposite of what we feel like doing, or think should work. Our nature wants to hold on tighter, but it doesn't work with a WAS (walk away spouse). And you are correct about not being able to control her. You may be surprised to learn that you tend to have more controlling ways than you thought. This journey can be an eyeopener about ourselves.

On the other hand, you may be the type of guy who is very passive and just lets your W take care of everything, make all the decisions, and boss you around. I hope you're not, b/c women lose respect for their H when they don't speak up, stand up, and lead.

I am really sorry to hear about the results of the IVF. You said you found out W had issues as well as you. I assume you mean her having physical problems of getting pregnant? I can't pretend to know how either of you must feel. The disappointment must be overwhelming.

Was it upon learning this news that your W suddenly changed her behavior? Was she drinking out of sadness or anger....or both? Did either of you seek any counseling after the news?

You definitely need support during this ordeal, and if you will stay with us, I'm sure others will join in to let you know you're not alone. Maybe there is someone else who has experienced the pregnancy problems you are facing and can help you much more than I can.

I encourage you to stick to one thread until it locks, then start another one. It makes it easier for us to keep up.

Read all you can about walk away wives. Read the Divorce Remedy book all the way through.