Things are settling down for me after 3 weeks up north on vacay, a week in TX for my son's graduation from boot camp and a tournament with D12 this weekend. It's time to take control of my life. I feel like I was making progress before vacation (maybe because I was holding on to too much hope) but I have have reeled backwards. S19 has started his life, D16 got a license and a car and is becoming very independent, H has moved on and is involved with someone else. I wake up every morning and wish I could just sleep all day so I don't feel the hurt. It's gets easier as the day goes on and I continue to tell myself to stop being a victim and take charge of your life. I really don't know why I can't stop feeling sorry for myself...

I know people go through this all the time.
I know people go through much worse than this.
I know people get over it and come out on the other side.
I know I will be OK.

I do have plans to move forward with my life, I'm not just moping and feeling sorry for myself. Mornings are the worst time for me and I since very few people know my situation I don't have many people to talk to so I come here to let out my feelings. I still haven't shared all that happened when H and I saw each other this summer. I will at some point.

My goal is to move forward with my life, mourn my loss, but I'm not ready to close the door on my marriage yet. I wish I knew how to stop loving him, I can't even be mad at him for what he's doing or done because I understand WHY.

Me-44 (45)
H- 50 (51)
M-'96

S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)

BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas)
home Oct(sep rooms)
(EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed)
insists wants D through July 2015
no more talk of D since