Saving my marriage by focusing on ME (Part 2)

[indigo1]

Ox, I was in a similar S as you months back. My W admitted that she let me come back too soon and was not over OM yet. I drove myself crazy looking at the phone records and knowing that she was still texting him all day every day. It wore me down and caused me to act in a way that was counterproductive to what I was trying to accomplish. My W would lie to my face and tell me there was no contact at all. Luckily she had been able to see the positive changes that I had made which seems to be the case with you.

During this time, when my W would see me acting down and stand offish and she would tell me I was only pushing her away. It was the hardest thing I've ever done to come home from work and act happy when I knew what she was hiding from me. I knew that I could not go on like that anymore. Thanks to the tough love on here from starsky and mr. bond I finally grew a set and told her it was either NC with OM or I was gone.

This was not easy for me to do, but I realized the pattern we were in would never make me happy or get our M on a good track. My W agreed and changed her phone number, gave me access to her email and took the pass code off her phone.

W did go through some what of a withdrawl for a month or more. During this time it allowed me to show her the man I had become knowing there was NC with OM to bring me down. I can now say we are the happiest we have ever been. Had I not finally taken a stand, I have no idea where we would be today.

Will you're W get pissed at you and fight it at first? Most likely yes. Will she gain respect for you and not see you as so much of a weak push over? I'm sure the answer to that is yes as well. I cant tell you what you think is the right move for you, but the dynamic you have now is getting you nowhere from what I can see.

And the whole we are just friends crap and I will not stop talking to him is complete BS. My W tried the same crap with me. He needs to be completely out of her life if things are ever going to work for you.