So, this weekend went well, not so much R wise, but me wise. I just feel good, I realized I need to let go of expectations ... which I did sitting at church. I picked up S and was not in a rush (180) partly because I have really focused on my issue with patience... and partly a blunder .. I typically go to mass Saturday evening .. thought it was at 9:30 this morning .. but was at 9 ... was a little late which I hate .. again .. did not let it bother me PMA was in full sail today. Went with S kayaking had a great time, WAW TM and I replied in short, sent some pics and she commented how happy he was. S7 and I had some talks ... turns out he looks at her phone and sees she texts OM, WAW commented a few days ago he is always asking her who she is TM ... she made the mistake of having OM around within a month after our sep .... I had no idea he was OM till 2-3 months after. She used "playdates" with his kids as a cover, something I was furious about after I discovered what really was going on ... I have since let it go but S7 is pretty smart and knows OM is not daddy. So I just told him he should not snoop in moms phone, and left it at that. This does explain his change towards her and the fact he prefers to be with me, not that I am without fault in all this ... just a tragic casualty in our situation, and one I hope she can somehow mend with him someday ..... I will however not speak a word of this ... no positive can come from it ... she most likely knows S seen the OM texts .. if not she should just be more aware. Anyways (had to let that out somewhere) .... so I have gone dark since ... not by choice, I washed my phone ... I did email her to just let her know there would be no call .... she finally emailed me back about an hour after he would have called asking if he was ok, I told her he was great as we had a terrific day and then promptly said good night.
When we got home I was reading the DB .... about half way in and looks like I am about to get to the nuts and bolts... the butterfly effect did touch a nerve, I know I have much more to learn and to go .. and it got me thinking about typing up my goals .. something I would have never thought of... I also think I may start a new part II thread as I just kind of dove in without the scuba gear on ... had no idea what I was supposed to do. And if I can see any shadow of hope for my M, some kind of progress and positive ... and a chance for R I am going to go for the counseling sessions. I have my IC appt next Sat, along with being invited to a 40th Bday party, Sunday softball prctice for the new season .. so GAL is in progress aswell
All in all , I feel better tonight, PMA and not all strung out on her and what she may or may not be doing.
