I took up golf after Ms. Wonka left. When we had our first phone conversation in the Fall of 2012, she was super duper surprised to hear that I took up golf and I could feel the gears turn a bit inside her head.
It showed her that I am not static and had the ability step out of my comfort zone & try new things.
haha... it's ok, 25. I've come to expect Tough Love on here at this point.
So, to answer your questions:
>>Can you tell us 3 things you'd do differently WITH/FOR her?
1) I've committed to complete transparency. I've removed people from my life who live with moral ambiguity or are womanizers
2) I would commit to a monogamous, married relationship. I wasn't able to do that before.
3) I would give her complete/total access to my phone, computer, Facebook, email, etc.
4) I would quit my MBA program if she wanted. (She's concerned about the debt)
5) I would commit to a 6-12 month horizon for starting a family.
>>And now, please tell us 2-3 things you'd be doing in your life that's different,[OTHER than things related to Her?
1) I am turning down parties and expensive events (I.e. NOT going to Burning Man this year, which is a crazy party festival in the desert). In the past, I would have to be at every party. I had a fear of missing out. Now, I am focused on growth, and being more responsible with money.
2) I've started a men's group. We meet twice a month and support each other with integrity.
3) I attend therapy twice a week to work through these issues.
4) I'm investing in an MBA at Wharton
5) I am looking at new jobs to get some financial stability.
6) I am doing Executive Coaching with Start-Up execs in Silicon Valley.
>>>WHY SHE should want to build up a new R with you now/from this day forward? What would it be like? How would honesty and transparency be shown?
1) I am still the fun, worldly, dancing, funny, sensitive, athletic man she fell in love with, but I am NO LONGER engaging with the dark side of me that needs constant affirmation from other women.
2) I would go to her with my issues of self worth and insecurity instead of hiding them.
3) I would give up my spare apartment and serach for a new place with her in the East Bay with room for a family and a dog (what we were scheduled to do the weekend after D-Day)
>>>How are you SHOWING that you are growing?
Here's where I don't know... How do I SHOW growth to a person who doesn't want to talk to me?
- DB
Me: 39 - W: 35 Together: 2 years, no kids My Affair: 1.5 years Affair ended: 4/9/14 Affair revealed: 5/19/14 Last Contact: 8/2/14
I was not asking how you show HER, I meant how is your growth being manifested.
Seems as if it is, via the group you formed/joined and other things you are doing. And not doing.
If you can get a useful MBA from Wharton, (as opposed to some crazy meaningless degree that the CEOs and senior staff mocked at the last corporate job I had)
that will certainly look great on a resume but I'm not familiar with your field so I don't know if better job experience counts more than an MBA or what.
But I like what you wrote and how you are DOING things.
GOOD WORK! Keep on keeping on...
She will either reach out and learn these things OR someone you both know will, and word will get back to her.
Don't think for a minute that you are not being watched in some form. (Don't get paranoid, I mean that in a good way).
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
BTW, Mr Antsy Pantsy is getting at me 24/7. There's not an hour that goes by that I'm not thinking about her and missing her. Unpacking my crazy behavior and coming out of denial about my "issues" has been really hard. And it only makes me more certain that I want to work things out with her come hell or high water.
Me: 39 - W: 35 Together: 2 years, no kids My Affair: 1.5 years Affair ended: 4/9/14 Affair revealed: 5/19/14 Last Contact: 8/2/14
