1st post. Long but please read, help!

[Zues126]

Thanks to today I have a new 180. No more self pity as manipulation. It's ok to experience difficult emotions, that is reasonable considering the situation. It's ok to share them with a support group to help me get through on occasion. But I know in my marriage I used my bad feelings to manipulate. Like "I'm not feeling good because you are doing ___________", then expecting her to change her behavior. The result was that I was miserable to be around much of the time, pressured her with guilt, etc. Very, very destructive.

Another 180 is to try to feel more appreciative. Though I am scared, lonely, and hurt, I have a LOT to be grateful for. She is a great mother, and committed to me still seeing the children regularly. We are establishing a very cooperative coparenting relationship and a friendly D. Finally, I AM grateful for the gift of time.

To put it another way- if she told me she wanted to work on our M the best thing we could do would be for me to spend some time on my own to 1) become more accountable for my own happiness, and 2) so we could start fresh with healthier ways to interact. Since I'm not ready for step 2 it is really good that I am on my own. It may not be what I wanted, but in my heart I know it is what I need.

I know it will be a long road. I don't know where it will end up. But I've gone down the other road far enough to know it's time for change. Thank you for the inspiration, support, and feedback. It's not always easy but it's easier than more of the same.