1st post. Long but please read, help!

[Zues126]

Yes. I'm not doing well. I'm having tremendous trouble seeing past my own pain because I've never hurt so bad and times like now I don't feel like I can keep going. My thinking is erratic and the only thing I know is not to trust any of my thoughts. I feel betrayed and outcast from my entire family because they act like this is normal and have supported her leaving me, and want to be close with the kids. I feel like the only reason I have to be around anymore is the kids, but frankly I think something is so wrong with me they'd be better off without me anyway.

I understand this wont get my W back. I get that at this stage in the game I don't have time to break down. So I will make it through the day. Hopefully tomorrow I have more strength to make forward progress. Today I just want to survive and not do anything too destructive.

I do have a long way to go.