My wife has a heart of gold. She is kind and gentle. She has a genuine forgiving nature. She can connect with people and form deep friendships. People love her.
She is strong. Not just physically but mentally. Her morale character can never be questioned. Her word it is good.
She is pretty. Seriously pretty. She literally turns heads when she walks in a room. She has the body of a centerfold—which she hates. She thinks her body takes away her ability to be taken seriously in the business world. She won’t wear shorts in public or a bathing suit at the beach. So I’m the only one who gets to see her body.
She is very sexual. I’m more repressed than she is. She rarely turns me down for sex. I was a virgin when we got married. She was not. Any problems we have with our sex life is not her fault.
She is independent emotionally and financially. She insisted we maintain independent interests and friends as well as mutual interests and friends. She is a success professionally and one of the highest paid people in her field.
She is deeply spiritual. She will tell you her number one loyalty is to God. Her second is to me. She believes our marriage is a covenant with God. She claims the day she agreed to be my wife she never allowed any other man to enter her thoughts. She believes we are meant to be together until “death do we part” because of the covenant we made to God.
Is that enough nice things about my wife?
I get it. My wife looks pretty perfect. But she also screams and calls me names when she is angry. She flies into rages that are terrifying and she can be emotionally abusive.
Here is my issue with the FB situation:
After I unfriended the people who unfriended my wife I don’t know what more I could have done.
After reading the posts everyone seems to think there is something more I could have done about the FB incident. What? What? What?
Everyone is implying somehow I am responsible for these people’s actions.
I am not.
Two members of my family unfriended my wife on FB without my knowledge or my consent. I unfriended the bad actors. There is nothing further I can do.
I’m not sure how this became a marital problem.
What people choose to do---they do. I can’t control other people’s behavior. I am truly at a loss on what I could have done different.
Yes.
I bad-mouthed my wife to my family when I left her in June 2013. But I barely talk about her or my marriage to any of them anymore. I’ve learned!
Last Thanksgiving when I went to my sister’s house I asked them why they didn’t send my wife a birthday card (it was the first time they ever ignored her birthday). They said they felt “uncomfortable.” I didn’t know what to do with that. I figured this would end with time.
I volunteered to post a FB message telling the world I was wrong when I left my wife.
But my wife said “no.” She said it would not serve a purpose. She said humiliating myself would be destructive to our marriage. Then she turns around and says I need to have her back.
I don’t know what this means.
I put money in the joint account even though I don’t live at home. I offer to take care of the lawn and other household maintenance even though I don’t live there. I offer to take care of the dog when she is traveling.
I have apologized. I have apologized over and over again. But she won’t accept my apology.
Yes. I said I won’t move back home until she asks me to come home. I can’t. She told me to move out.
I called her about the separation papers but she didn’t call me back. I waited to hear from before sending her a copy of the papers. I figured we could talk. But I never heard from her. I still haven't send the papers.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t think I’m keeping a scorecard.
You guys keep talking to me as if I have this diabolical mind. I don’t. I was a 30 year old virgin when I started dating my wife. I am 47 now.
My wife is the only woman I ever loved. I dated one girl in high school. My wife is the only real relationship I’ve ever had.
I don’t know how I got her. It was a fluke. We were really great friends and somehow she fell in love with me. It was a million-to-one shot. I will never get this lucky again.
I know I don’t understand women. I never did. I was a dud at dating. And I certainly don’t understand my wife. But she made it really easy to be married to her. So I didn’t have to understand her.
Then things got rough and it wasn’t easy being married to her. I know I failed her as a husband. No one has to tell me this.
In 2008, her mother died and I wasn’t there for her. When my wife said, “I’m okay.” I believed her and selfishly continued my life without a thought about how much her life had changed. I would have been there for her if she had asked but that was my problem—she had to ask. And she never asked.
I get it. I don’t see anything but me. I don’t know why I don’t see anything but me but I don't.
And yes—I’ve read all the books and it doesn’t help. The books assume you understand something about relationships. I don’t.
