barely holding on - 2

[PeterV2]

So is the A over? She said there is no OM. Is there also NC. Is the OM out of her head completely? I doubt it. That takes time.

In order to rebuild trust she will have to be completely transparent with you. That means letting you see her phone and allowing you to explore all the text messages and phone call records in it. And it means telling you where she is at any time. This doesn't mean you're controlling her - she can go where she wants and do what she wants - it's just that there should be nothing to hide, and until you rebuild trust there will have to be a phase where you are checking on her to verify her whereabouts and activities. Once trust is re-earned then the checking will diminish as you'll feel no need to.

Not sure if you want to explain that to her.

As for forgiveness, you can tell her that forgiveness will also be a process. You need to forgive her. She needs to forgive herself. She needs to forgive you for anything that you did in the M that drove her away, and you need to forgive yourself for that too. Do you have that clearly defined?

Also you must realize that the marriage you had is over. You are now at a point (provided the A is over) where you need to build a new marriage.