Wife walked aways (two months ago now) new thread

[BigMac]

Thanks Sandi2, I really appreciate your guidance. (I don't trust my brain to steer when my heart is involved).

Curious, what is the reasoning.

My reasons that I come up with

1. She has me under lock and key
2. I get locked into the "friend" zone
3. My boundaries are being violated
4. I have not space to retreat to if I feel like I am slipping
5. I have to see her every day, hard to detach
6. I am sleeping literally in the bed that she slept in for months when she left me (and possibly the OM)

Anything i'm missing?

[Wet]

Hi BigMac, there is something about a WAW who wants to be close to you. My W recently moved 10 miles closer to me, and that is close enough (she is still 15 miles away from me.)

Can you imagine if she brought another man to her place, and you have to see that? If you think that you are emotional now, just imagine the pain that would cause. Give her space, stop talking so much to her. And detach, detach, detach. My 2 cents worth. Good luck

[BigMac]

I'm with everyone here, I don't want to take the room. It would kill me to see her every day.

I think she has plans to loop me into a "kept man" position similar to a friends Ex that lives in the same neighborhood. While I am happy to be friendly, I want to be able to maintain my own life. It would suck to get stuck watching S8 while she stays overnight at the OM's house.

Yeah, that would suck. I think living downtown would be much more fun

[BigMac]

So, I made the drive out to tx with S8 and w's bunny.

When I get here, she is late, crushing my little boys heart. He was just saying how he can't count on her to do anything, and how she loves him less because he is not a baby.

We didn't have the best interaction then. I know she is full of guilt. But holy hell, please stop hurting our son.

[BigMac]

Journaling,

I'm in one of those dark times when it is hard to push through. My life is in between. I am packing our house up next week, with no where to live yet in the new town.

I am taking Sandi2's advice and avoiding renting the room in the neighborhood with a 10 foot pole. The emotional turmoil from going out there last night was to huge. I think this is the 3rd time I've seen her in 4 months now. It hurts much less, but wow my emotions deep inside go crazy.

Especially when she isn't being a good mom. It just kills me. And all she does is lie and get defensive

Of course, times just get harder. She is going to come to California to help consolidate the house. I wish I was stronger.

[BigMac]

Contact report.

The W, S8 and I had ice cream yesterday. It was after the first day and night of W and S8 being together in a couple months. W had broken her toe, and was in a bit of pain, but it was cordial.

I felt like she didn't want to be there, but S8 had a great time. If anything she was putting in an effort to coparent. That in itself made me very happy.

Baby steps right?

[Nettles]

I felt like she didn't want to be there

Mac, you can't read her mind. Why are you still trying to?

If W wants to destroy relationship with S8, that is unfortunate, but her decision. You can't control that.

But you can control being there for S8 and picking up the slack. And that may start with picking a S8-friendly place to live.

[BigMac]

Thanks Nettles,

I'm having a really hard time. Change in Jobs (company got acquired), change in marital situation, moving. Combine that with s8 telling me that his mom (w) loves him less because he isn't a baby anymore just crushed me. Absolutely crushed me.

[Nettles]

It [censored] and is horrible, but it is her choice. She'll have to live with it for the rest of her life.

You might want to see Nicole from the list I gave you. She can help you with how to handle S8. Time to put your pain aside and do whatever you can for S8. Detach for him.

[sandi2]

Glad you decided not to move next door. Beside you seeing everything going on over there, she would be watching your place, too!

You are right, she would take advantage of you being so handy. It would be as if trying to live under the sane roof.

It is hard to explain the WAW. Her mind is so preoccupied with the A/OM until it consumes every area of her life. She is no longer the same person. I think I should warn you that when she finally comes out of this, she may not remember things correctly. Abd how could she? She is stumbling around in this bazaar new mindset that has no logic, takes no responsibility, is emotionally unbalanced, abd suffers severe memory loss of the true history with her H.