Matt- Heather and AJ are right on. It may seem I am terribly "stuck" but there is a whole part of my journey that was not posted here. I was dbing from the months of November through July before I was bombed again. They were very different for me (I won't waste time now explaining how it was emotionally different), but the point is, I've been there. We all have. I can hardly watch tv, listen to radio, watch movies, even drive to certain cities, shop at certain store, yadda, yadda.... It is really tough, but we have got to find a way to get past that. I think it comes in bits as we further separate ourselves. BUT.......
Do you know what this means?? We have the opportunity to become so independent from that. We can truly find ourselves outside of someone else. When I was told that before, I thought, but I'd rather be with him. HOGWASH! I'm so serious, Matt. You have so much to offer this world- don't hold back because of her! You are amazing, compassionate, grounded, a great dad- think about what you have and focus on that!
When I think about h, I think about how sad his situation is. Not that I feel bad for him (although sometimes I feel that), but really, like who the heck would want to live like that?! Then I think about how he probably thinks about my life now- the same as how he left it, just without him. No way! I have the opportunity of a lifetime. Yes I am devastated about what happened to my family; my heart breaks for my children. However, I can stay stuck in that, or show my kids what life is all about. Yup, we were thrown a curve ball (to say the least). That happens in life. I can still show them how important family is, just like Heather learned. I am confident in that. My kids know I would never let them down like that. They have also relied on each other so much and become much closer. I am sure that wouldn't have happened if the circumstances were different. Your kids rely on you and know you are their rock and foundation. They are watching you (scary thought for me, sometimes).
I don't want that life my h leads, and I know you don't want the one your w leads either. They don't even know what they really want. Can you imagine thinking that throwing away your family is an answer to ANYTHING? No way, Jose! Remember, Matt, she is making these bizarre choices now. Your kids get it; they know it's absurd (which is good). You can't change it. I just think, "My h does not want me. Why would I want to be with someone who does not want me?" It's a tough pill to swallow, but it is reality. Accepting this makes it easier to detatch. If this is the life he wants, wow! I'd rather stay faaaaarrrrr away! I want so badly to try to figure it out. Well, not gonna happen. (Meet me on my thread as I try to figure it out. Haha!)
You are doing so well, Matt. I hate to see you down and let her actions affect you. Once the thoughts enter, remove her from them. Remember she made these choices, and you are much better than that.
If you could be with her right now and live the life she is living and act like a teenager, would you? What is more important? Being with her and compromising yourself by acting and living like someone you are not, or..... being happy with who you are and content in your life?
You'll get there, Matt. It's a tough road. Be true to yourself. It's not something the MLCer knows how to do. follow your own path, not watching hers.
