WAW not admitting to affair #3

[shodan]

25mlc

thank you for reading my thread and providing advice and input. A lot to comment on:

re: my parenting...my W and pretty much everyone I know will say that I am a great father. I have had temper issues for sure, but I have devoted the last 10 years (since my d was born) to my family. But, I have room for improvement. I spoke with my d about the incident that my MIL mentioned and she did not remember it at all. I pulled her and my son aside and told them about the changes that I am making and asked for their forgiveness. They both have commented that they love the new me. I joke that "new" dad is cool if they do X but "old" dad probably would not have allowed it. The funny thing is that my W and I seemed to have switched roles (and personalities). She is more strict with the kids, more impatient, etc.

re: becoming the man only a fool would leave...I know that I am showing this. Every once in a while I tell my wife that we have a great chance at a second marriage but together. I referred to myself as her second husband. She even has used this from time to time, once when we took the dog for a walk and my W brought a glass of wine with her. She said "my first husband would never have allowed this."

re: the A...I don't want my W to admit to the A so I can be right. and I know it is an A. The text was VERY EXPLICIT. She has lied several times about places where she supposedly was that I have proven was not the case. I want her to stop the A and agree to some changes so we can work on our M. Specifically, she agrees to give me the code to her phone, she changes her phone number, she either cancels her new CC or puts it under our joint names and she provides to me detailed itineraries for when she travels. But why would she agree to that if she never had an A?

what is ironic is one of her best friends is D because her husband cheated on her (hookers and had a mistress on the side). The friend figured it out when she went on her husband's phone and read some text messages. My W of course thought this was totally appropriate at the time but I AM the cyber stalker when I do.

I also know my W is very stubborn and will not want to admit she is wrong. She is more likely to sweep this under the rug. But without full disclosure, how can I know she has ended the A?

re: detaching and GALing...this has been the hardest. We have kids. My W travels a lot. My friends are married with kids. I cannot actually go out three nights a week unless I want to pay for babysitters and not see my kids. They already comment that my W travels a lot and is not home a lot.

re: NYC...I want to view it as you outlined it. As a positive note, perhaps where she may have ended the A or is thinking about it. But, I also wonder if this is a cake eating oppty...live in Boston, "work" on the M and go to NYC 1-2 nights per week for work and for the A. Maybe she does not want us to move because it would end the A. It is a lot harder to have a secret A when your H is in the same city. Of course they could do secret rendezvous but it would not be as easy as they have it today.

re: my changes...i hit absolute rock bottom the night my W asked for the D. It is pretty easy to change your life when that happens. I have thanked my wife many times for what she said because I am a better man because of it. I know that I am a great husband. I know that I am a great father.

so where do I struggle...GALing and detaching. I took my first Brazilian Jiu JItsu class this weekend and may start that up b/c they offer morning classes. But I do miss my old dojo (similar yet different martial art) because I have good friends there. Friends in whom I would trust my heart and soul. But the classes are at night, which interferes with family time. I am doing a ton of stuff with my kids and not just sitting around. Once per week I find myself out for a work event (previously I would have come home to be with the kids or just gone to the dojo because I was so obsessed with practicing). I am thinking about getting some golf lessons. I may do that while I am on the cape. I have had two guitar lessons. These are all things that I enjoy but I am out meeting new people through it? Somewhat. But there still is a void.

My W gets back tonight from her girl's weekend. I have not texted her directly all weekend but have responded to a text or two. She asked what my S and I have been doing, for example. She probably will be back in NYC for one night this week and I know will be there for 1-2 nights the following week. she has legitimate work reasons to be there, I know that. But, she also has the OM there as well.

Should I ask her about the $5K AMEX bill? I know it will just start a fight. and I know on this bill is a huge charge for very expensive concert tickets...she told me she was going with clients for a work event but I know this is a lie. I know she bought very good seats for her and the OM (the concert was Jay Z and Beyonce, so her seats easily could have cost $1-2K each). so seeing the bill gets me no where and just proves what I know. But she has to know that i know about the $5K and that it is inappropriate.