Not sure what to do

[25yearsmlc]

" I think I always put her first. To me she was #1."

Here's the difference.....,she has to feel she is top billing. If she does not feel you make bed #1, then you can argue all dAy about it, but it won't change how she feels less th?/-an first place.

!

Bob, surely down deep you KNOW she could not possibly feel as if she has top billing with you. You have bad mouthed her to your family and friends. To ME, as a wife, that seems so disloyal.

My h is the one guy in the world I need to have my back, so he cannot be backstabbing me to the world!

If my h's family or friends did ANYTHING rude to me (and unfriending me IS a rude if not juvenile, act)

I would absolutely know my h would say or do something. I KNOW THIS based on our history.
If my h had NOT taken "my side" with his family, we'd be over.

Not out of my pride --but bc I would never have felt safe around his family afterwards....and if he can't stand up to his family for me, what would he do around a big dangerous stranger or several, OR a controlling critical boss? I mean, his family follows HIS lead.

Of course she's mortified & Humiliated b/c you aired all your dirty laundry to them. And you did not own your part of it at all.

You did NOT say "we have marriage problems". You said "Wife is abusive" and if that were completely accurate and true, totally, no one would advise you to be with her.

OR they'd say you both need help. Here is what I don't get.

Here, You blamed her for ALL the problems.

Now, despite how "abusive" you said she is (BTW Can you name 2 traits in her that you like? I can't think of one nice thing you have said about her, off the top of my head).

So as evil as you said she is, now you say you WANT to go home but she has to admit HER wrong before you will and that your pride won't let you go home.


SIGH...

(Talk about wanting to be "right" more than wanting to be "happy".)

Bob, Decide if your pride or your wife is more important. Decide if she is "abusive" or if you both stink at resolving conflict.

Decide if you both are willing to get real help, which means you both must change AND not measure whether the spouse is also changing or "changing enough". Lose those scorecards.

Bob -the problem with scorecards is that the SPOUSE has their own! And on theirs, we are NOT ahead!

Since the m sounds so toxic, maybe you both ought to learn some conflict resolution classes FIRST. And some "safe communication" methods.

Then try to have a real marriage. Just my .02