So last night she was TM about our son, I took an oppurtunity earlier in the day to thank her for always making arrangements, (dental appt that I volunteered to take the day off and take him - 180) and getting his school supplies and that sort of thing, just a positive, I know I do not think her enough. Later that night she returned the geture and thanked me for taking him to soccer, and asked me to give our dog a kiss on the nose as she missed him (When she left I made sure to find a place I could keep our dog, we had lost the other one just prior to the BD and my S was crushed) So I sent her a pic of the dog on the bed and she remarked that she was shocked I had made the bed, I told her that being cleaner (Big issue with her and I) was the first thing I worked on after our split ... and kept it light hearted and fun .. .something like "Don't be so shocked, I know you might think it was photoshopped but I assure you I make my bed every morning ) This morning I picked WAW and S up at the mechanic and we went to the movie, she told me S was sad about the dog we had lost last year ... a German Sheppard ... in his mind that dog kept our family together and once he died so did our family (She does not know he feels this way, and I haven't told her as I don't want the guilt thing to work against the sitch) so I get there and he asks me how much a GS puppy costs, I was happy and positive till that moment and just walked him outside as she was talking to the mechanic and talked to him, my heart broke a bit but I promised him one day we will get another GS, just can not do it right now.
At the movie I felt no connection, she makes a point to have S between us and I seen her phone had several TM on it ... I know .. no expectations, and no idea about the TM nor can I do anything about it .. but sitting there I realized how much I miss her, how many mistakes I made over the past 9 months and even before then, was hard not to be sad about it .. thankfully I could get away with it watching the movie .... after she still had 40 minutes till her car was to be done and offered lunch, I declined ( personal 180 for me .. detaching the best I can) ... told her I had things I need to take care of and wished them a good day, told them I would see them tomorrow morning at mass. Killed me but I did it .. baby steps ... not that I GAL ... just decided to come into work and catch up on a few things.
Bottom line today ... I just miss her and our family,... I didn't show it .. .but I do, I know I need to be patient and prayed for strength, hopefully I can get some sort of positive sign soon just to hold on to that sliver of hope we all seem to chase, for now I just wait, GAL, and pray.
) 
