Prayers do work. None of this is easy, for sure. GAL and PMA are a daily practice and a daily struggle. I don't ever wake up bounding out of bed for the coming day, but I consciously make efforts and do mental, physical, and spiritual exercises to get as good as I can. Sometimes it doesn't work for snot. I've had the darkest of dark days earlier in all this, and a few weeks later another round of dark, episodes of scream-crying car drives, tantrums in my bed, and I'm going to have several more in the future I'm sure. This is a nightmare, even with the positives, this is a long bumpy road where there are no guarantees.
"The good thing is"..... although you are feeling so down, (not negating this fact, by any means) I can tell by your words that you have the capacity to recognize what you need to do. Not everyone can. (Pat pat pat on your back . ) And you are seeing what you can do. <<<<<keep focus here. And you are giving yourself the permission to be sad and angry, but you know that is not where you want to be forever. You are clearly on a path to figuring out what you need for you. The answers will come.
His was helpful to me for uRworthy on my first thread:
Quote:
It's a good idea to get a roadmap together on how you want to walk this. I had some things that were important to me. Having the roadmap helped keep me on track.
This was something I didn't fully understand I needed until later in the process. But without it, I tend to focus on that which is negative and out of my control. I can eeeeeaaaasily find ways to get myself off-track if I'm not careful. For me, denial and avoidance are like too much chocolate. Yummy at the time, but I would pay for it in other ways later.
I'm still working out my roadmap.... Probably still doing cookies in the parking lot lol. .
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
. ) And you are seeing what you can do. <<<<<keep focus here. And you are giving yourself the permission to be sad and angry, but you know that is not where you want to be forever. You are clearly on a path to figuring out what you need for you. The answers will come. 
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