Mat, thank you very, very much for your input. I'm so glad my experience is helping you. And thank you also for recapping what you got from your coach. I found that really helpful myself.
My brother and sister in law have been amazing. This has been the best, most healing week of the last year, they have honored and awed me with their wisdom, loving support, and generosity. I am enormously fortunate to have them. I should have come here months ago.
I especially appreciate your point about this boundary speaking to my value for him. I hadn't thought about it from that angle, but of course it's true. Thank you for that, it will help me stick to my guns when I'm missing him.
I asked my brother if he was happy and that led to a really interesting conversation about what makes an imperfect life happy. My B & SIL are very religious so my B talked about finding his purpose in fulfilling God's will for his life. It was enlightening not just in terms of thinking about what sent my H on walkabout but also in framing my ideas about my hopes for my future long term. Because he gets his purpose from his sense of God, but that doesn't mean that a more generic sense of purpose wouldn't work (I'm a lax believer, H says he is an unbeliever).
I also asked my B if he'd be willing to reach out to my H when the time is right to welcome him back into the family. He said absolutely (I'm lucky they're thoughtful, forgiving Christians and not a different kind). And we talked about the need to have close relationships among the extended family to support the relationship. My oldest brother also is ready to provide that support. This is great considering how unhelpful my mom has become.
I do feel a little sick at the thought he could be dating, but I suspect I'm borrowing trouble.
All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
