For better or for worse, for richer or for PORES?

[Shining]

So, as predicted, H has been dark ever since. And I'm perfectly ok with this. H needs time to process, keep running, try more stupid stuff, act like a maniac, think, not think.....who knows. The darkness now, is not personal to me, and not viewed as a real setback. H could run away and never return and I would deal with that if it happened. Not going to waste energy worrying about "what if's". It's just part of the bigger process. No guarantees....but I believe there is hope.

Late last night, I received a text from H D19. There was definitely drama with H and his S20. S20 is angry and resentful of H. H in a hurry to be on his own, move to apartment, and have house sold, but S20 has a CDL class for 4 weeks and won't be able to work much during that time and save to move out. H says this is why S20 should have been saving every penny sooner since he has lived here now for 3 1/2 years and has no money to show for it....
(interestingly, H now saying exactly what I said a year ago to H but this was why I was the bad guy for bringing up the fact that S20 was not moving forward in life and content to play video games all day but oh well....not my circus, not my monkeys. ). <<<<also, this was one of the excuses H said he wanted to split up, that I was "an angry person", "didn't accept H S20" and I was "against S20". The partial truths are, I didn't like S20 behaviors toward my kids and saw no signs of progress toward becoming independent. H translated that into non-acceptance of H S20 and painted quite an evil picture of me to MC pre-BD and I believed I was a horrible human being.

S20 was complaining in a text about H not being there, and when he is, h just goes into his room with ow. Then made comments about how disgusting h behavior and sick r it is with ow. S20 and D19 hate ow, and hate what their dad has become....S20 pointed out that "At least when "mom" (me) was here, you gave a $h!t about us (S20 and D19), but ever since you found ow, you forgot about us and started getting sloppy, not feeding dog, leaving doors unlocked, garage door open, trash not taken care of, it's as if this stranger that has welcomed herself into the home we barely have is all you give a $h!t about, and we resent you for that. You need help. Do whatever you want with this information. And that, my dear father, is why I smoke. Because of the stress and anger I have to put up with everyday from the moment I wake up." D19 sent me screenshots of conversation between H and his S20. Very sad.

Details aside, yes, 2 adult kids can take care of the household duties for living there, for sure. But the sad truth of watching your dad become an alien from who he was, be so irresponsible and act like a teenager, has to be so traumatic for them.

BUT!

I'm focused on GAL! Busy weekend! Lots to do with cleaning, kids activities, and it's a beautiful day!

Going to play some music and hope my neighbors don't complain:).