Wife dropped the bomb; doing in house separation

[HopeTex]

Thanks guys, this is all really good feedback, and I appreciate it greatly.

Thornton, I ordered Codependent No More and will read it, thanks.

I am committed to DB'ing, regardless of how long it takes or the negative signals she sends, or the negative steps she takes, even if her next step is to move forward with filing for D. I am "lucky" in the sense that I have spent almost 2 years pursuing and trying to control, and so I am now very very well educated (finally) that it simply does not work. DB'ing mg not work either, in the sense that it might not save my M. But I know that it is the only strategy that might work, and it will also keep me sane and help me grow into a happier person regardless of what W does.

The silly "weekend sleeping arrangements" issue worked itself out, W ended up texting me that I could have the master while her family is in town. She even slept in the bed with me, but it wasn't much of an event as I went to bed earlier than her and slept in later. Wasn't a big deal in the end, but all in all I feel good about setting a boundary and sticking up for myself a bit. I think it was a small piece of detachment.

Sandi2, I am trying to look at and achieve detachment the way it is described by veteran DB'ers on this board, ie, it is having your own life and emotions but NOT being totally isolated and cold. This is definitely a struggle for me, in the past I have swung from being totally emotionally cut off from W in our early years of M, to then being totally codependent/fused. My sitch is painful, but it am also trying to see it as a great opportunity to finally find the healthy balance, where I am my own person but can also be in a relationship. (I really recommend the book Passionate Marriage, it is great in explaining "differentiation."). It is really interesting for me to watch myself in my interactions with my W. I still feel that urge to pursue and connect, but now I can finally control it. It turns out it is not an irresistible urge I have! I can be my own person, and be strong and happy (most of the time) even when my W is rejecting me and thinking about D. Who knew?!

My changes I am working on are:
Detachment, not pursuing
Positive mindset (reading Happiness Advantage), becoming a more calm and pleasant person instead of a moody/anxious/driven one
More engaged with kids
Dressing better
Continued and improved physical fitness

GAL:
More time with friends
More engaged in work activities and work trips
(This might not seem like a positive change for most H's, but I think it is for me. Over the past couple years I have been so enmeshed in W and e relationship I have somewhat coasted at work. Being a bit more focused on work is helping me detach)
Looking into scuba lessons, dance lessons.