1st post. Long but please read, help!

[Zues126]

Thanks Ss06! Not many replies, I appreciate the support.

My STBX has two hobbies...photography and gardening. She's doing more with both since separation. So, what I did was get her an assortment of gardening tools (a box set of tools with cute colorful designs, matching gloves, a few pots, etc). Then I got 3 gift bags that said "Happy Birthday" and "Hooray you were born". Finally, when I was at the house and she was out getting groceries I got a picture of the three kids outside in front of a tree holding up the three bags. It was cool, my best picture, light from the sunset poring through the tree branches and all kids smiling with their birthday gifts for her. I am going to have it printed off and frames, then when I'm there on Sunday I'm going to have the kids give her the gifts from them.

As for my last post, I promise I am truly looking back at my role in all of this. The fact is that I am DETERMINED to become an H only a fool would leave. No matter what she did there is NO excuse for how I responded. And I have a long road ahead. However...I am determined. This is too important to me. Up to 6 weeks of no porn tonight, doing well on my 180s, etc.

The whole part of thinking about her role was to help me detach. I am little by little starting to realize it's possible that she wanted a divorce all along. Even if that's not true it helps me accept that no matter what I do it may not get the results I want, and that it may not even be all my fault. Trust me, I LOVE her and I'm not using this as an excuse to give up. But I do intend to be a great husband for someone someday. Time (a LOT of time) will tell if I'm fortunate enough for it to be with her.