Labug, reading your thread I notice that I'm following in your footsteps with regard to control & impatience issues. That must be why you've been so helpful and spot on for me.
This afternoon was a struggle but I think I'm talked down now. It hurt that he took off his ring, but if it's part of his process as it was for me then I have to let it go. I put my engagement ring back on about a week ago. He doesn't know that yet. But it was for me, a signal of what I envision (facing the brutal reality of where I am and confidence that I will ultimately prevail) rather than a way of signaling to him what I want. It feels better on. Leaving it off was about anger and defiance. I'm not feeling like he needs to be defied anymore. My feelings have changed.
It worried me that he might be trying dating (he travels so much) but I think I read in someone else's thread that if you are willing to reconcile after separation that you have to be ok with not knowing what happened during that time.
Is that right?
When he texted today to talk to the kids (they didn't want to) he said he was going on a literary pub crawl tonight. Nice that he told me what he's doing. Jealous it's something I would enjoy too. Anxious he's not wearing his ring.
I don't know how I feel about that. I guess that's a problem for another day.
I still feel a lot of peace and even relief at the boundary I laid about not being friends. I can be pleasant. But I can't be friends the way I am a friend to anyone else. That would be false and destructive. I can not do it without expectation.
I have found that I've become really afraid to spend money. This isn't stopping me from spending some, for the trip we're on, etc., but I'm really worrying about it. I'm spending significantly less than I did before the separation. Getting a job will be my first priority when I get back.
Yes, I still wonder what will happen next. Mostly with me.
I hope he is moving forward. I hope he sees more possibility in his life, and I hope that becoming a man I'd be a fool to leave is part of that.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
