"Was never in love" part deux

[25yearsmlc]

Man - they're not paying me to advertise counsellors. This hour was worth it! Especially since mine found and read my thread beforehand. Saved a lot of time!

All in all, I didn't do THAT bad. No techniques would have worked at the moment, and things I say make their way through her head, slowly.

I'll download more from my notes from the session when I have more time in case it helps anyone. And I'll go back to visiting other threads more assiduously. I know how much it helps.

How's going with you Mat?

That 'something else' is kind of elusive. Have you read Men are from Mars ... or 5 love languages? I've read the former and have got the latter in my queue.

Sounds to me exactly as if you spoke in a love language NOT hers...so do read The Five Love Languages asap. It sounds as if you are an "Acts of Service" type and she is a "quality of time" woman. Not sure, just based on a few of your comments.

The idea that for YOU TWO to work this out would take so much work, makes it seem hopeless from YOUR standpoint. So why would she be motivated to take that on? Why not just stay with OM if you cannot become more romantic or connect with her at a deeper level?

For that matter, since 90% of women want a deep emotionally connection,

(I happen to believe but cannot prove, that all women who are capable of a deep emotional connection, WANT one with their mate)

why wouldn't you want to learn how anyway?


I was very interested to hear that your phone experience was so good.
Did you write notes as you went along or record it somehow?
If you do post some notes, I'm sure people will be all over them.

I had a total of maybe 15 sessions and took notes from all of them. VERY useful and I usually wrote at least 2-5 questions in advance, to be sure I covered things that I thought were likely to come up soon. To be ready.


Did you just get one session? I looked up the exchange rate and reckoned it must be about £105.

Here it ends up being about $150 per session, which is actually about what we paid here, or a little less. But it's a lot more precise advice. At least for me it was. Plus it was the most effective help I got. And I got a lot.

You have to phone them though, so is the cost of the call extra?



Do you mean, are THEY picking up the cost of a long distance call? No they don't.

So maybe get a cheaper phone rate (I have unlimited long distance to all 50 states and a huge discount for 5 countries--like a few cents a minute. So the whole call would cost less than $2 ) or buy a phone card for overseas calls,

or use a computer. When my h was deployed to the Middle East, he had an iPad and for $30 he bought a "magicJack", and combined they were successful calling me on my landline, MUCH MORE than the military phones,

(not to mention him not having to call in front of a line of soldiers)

But fyi, No therapist I know, will cover the cost of your phone bill. If that's what you're asking.


Sorry for so many questions all at once: it's just that I'm leaning towards it now.

Old Dog xx

I strongly advise in favor of using the DB coaches.

You buy the package of 3 (last I checked it's cheaper that way) and if you only find it as good as a private therapist where you are, you won't have lost anything.

But qualified therapists who are PRO marriage---harder to find than you think---cost us a little MORE than DB coaches at the package rate...

Of course the cheapest are the ones your insurance will cover.
But there is no guarantee they will be pro marriage OR solution based.

Speaking for my situation only, I didn't find any T's that were on our insurance plan, who were also pro marriage AND solution based.

MANY therapists re-hash the past (I mean, digging into childhood stuff and not just for background, which I can understand. But for "insights" that some of us have already processed decades ago, and I really wanted a "help me NOW" approach...

and even fewer are in favor of trying to save a marriage. My suggestion is based on my experience only, and what I have heard from others about their DB coaching sessions.

Give the DB coaches a try and then if it does not help, at least you won't have left a stone unturned, let alone b/c of money.

And if they DO help you, is there any better way to spend your money than on getting expert pro marriage solution based advice for saving your marriage?

I think not.

Just my .02