Listen to FY on the fact that you can take care of yourself and are independent being "hot". I was out at a meetup a while back and one of the women there was complaining that her BF broke up with her. She and her friends were saying that "Men just don't like strong, independent women". I heard them and looked the woman in the eye and said "No, boys don't like strong independent women, MEN do. I know I do.". I said it because I really meant it. I will say this, the women there started to pay much more attention to me after that smile. Of course, I'm no where near ready for a relationship yet.

Don't for a minute think you don't have much time left! Don't settle for less than what it is you want for YOU, from your H or anyone else you may end up meeting down the road. Sounds to me like any man would be lucky to have you a part of his life, your H is just too blinded by his own problems to see that!