I actually feel really good in the GAL department right now. I have a really cool project I just started at work. I am kid free this weekend and have lots of plans (house projects as well as time with friends).
As for H, I've decided to pretty much do nothing for now. I've pursued him a bit and he's declined my invites so I'd say the ball is firmly in his court. At the moment I actually feel more content with just letting it be than I have in long time (maybe ever?).
Thanks for checking in!
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
The kids were invited to a neighbors for a backyard camp out tomorrow night. It's basically dads and kids. It's H's weekend. I let him know it was going on, he declined to take them. I figured he probably would. This is the stuff I absolutely hate. Sad for the kids that they have to miss out on something that they would normally have participated in and loved.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
I am glad to see that you're ramping up your GAL activities. That will help you with the detachment a great deal.
Originally Posted By: mdu
As for H, I've decided to pretty much do nothing for now. I've pursued him a bit and he's declined my invites so I'd say the ball is firmly in his court. At the moment I actually feel more content with just letting it be than I have in long time (maybe ever?).
Inaction is action too. This is something that a lot of newbies aren't comfortable with in the early stages. You've come a long way, baby!!!
H stopped by with the kids to pick up a few things for their weekend. There is a definite distance between H and I. I think driven as much by him as by me. I think I've put myself out there enough, I'm not interested in pursuing him anymore.
I will admit, I was a tad manipulative. I kept my work clothes on -- tight LBD. Fixed my hair and just got my nails done. And, I have a friend coming over later so left some sparkling wine and chocolates on the table in prep. This is actually not at all unlike me, I do tend to prep hours in advance when I have people coming over. H doesn't need to know it's a female friend -- obviously I was aiming to make him wonder a bit.
Interestingly, H winked at me on his way out. That's his way of being a bit flirtatious, I think. I'm feeling unimpressed. I am totally not going to contact him at all this weekend. In addition to my friend coming to visit tonite I am probably going to Shakespeare in the park with her tomorrow night and a bunch of other people she knows but I don't. Really hoping that works out, would love to make some new friends!
Hope everyone has some fun plans this weekend
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
I haven't been posting much, but I've been reading and keeping up with you.
The leaps you've made in detaching recently are just phenomenal. Even though I knew you had it in you from the beginning, I'm just sitting here, giving you a silent standing ovation.
Thinking of you, and I hope you have a marvelous weekend!
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Gah, so had a bit of a home maintenance mishap this morning. Tried to clean one of our picture windows (we've never cleaned it before and it's gross!). It's high up and hard to reach but I got the (I thought) brilliant idea of buying a squeegee with a 10 feet extender. I was psyched because I was able to reach the window from my deck! Well, the squeegee sucked and now the window literally looks 10,000 times worse than before. Lol!!! OMG, I think my next item to conquer will be figuring how the ladder so I can get up there and clean it properly..
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
OMG, just had a horrible experience. Hysterically crying now. I am oh so NOT detached.
D4 is starting Kindergarten in a few weeks. There was an event at her school for kids to meet each other. H, of course, was there. Things are definitely way different between us. It's frustrating bc he has been sending me 'friendly' texts and it gives me very mixed signals.
Anyway, I was pleasant and nice, chatted with some of the parents, etc. H and I kept some distance but after a while we were standing next to each other chatting some but there were also a lot of awkward silences.
Previously we had agreed that we would each take 1 of the last two weeks in August off to take care of the kids (S7 camps end). Suddenly, H says to me 'so when I'm off with the kids next week do you want me to just keep them the whole time?' For some reason it hit me like a ton of bricks. This life of losing half my time with my kids. I said 'well, I'd like to see them, I don't want to go a whole week not seeing them' and my voice was quivering. Tears welled in my eyes, although I had sunglasses on it was obvious I was very upset. I quickly walked away and said 'I'll think about it.' Then I decided it was best to get out of there bc the tears were coming. I quickly said goodbye to the kids, waved to him and bolted.
I hate him for taking my kids from me. I don't know how I will ever get over the time lost with them. I especially don't know how I will get over if we D and I lose them 50% of the time permenately. I realize that my emotional reaction was not good, it came on so suddenly. I tried to manage it as best I could.
I feel like I'm being played. I feel like he's being nice enough to keep things calm between us until he's ready to file. His older D has been staying with me a lot before she goes back to college in a few weeks. I feel like that might be the milestone he is waiting for before filing.
He texted me as I left the event 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.'
Ok, whatever.
It's just all so different and I really don't know what to do. There's such a distance between us and it hurts. No amount of GALing will fill the hole that having a broken family has created for me. All I've ever wanted was kids and a family and now he's breaking it apart. I find it so hard to detach when I have to see him so much for the kids.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
So I replied to H's 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you' text and said:
Me: "I know, it's just sad being away from the kids that much. I will let you know my thoughts about next week."
H: "We do not need to do it that way (meaning he doesn't have to take them for a full week). It does not matter to me how we do it."
Me: "Ok. I would like to take them Wednesday & Thursday nights that week. When are you taking them next week?"
He hasn't replied yet.
I really feel like things are going to come to a head in the not too distant future. We'll have some money free up because full time day care is ending for D4. We could probably afford for H to get an apartment instead of staying with his Dad. Not that I'm going to suggest it but it wouldn't surprise me if he did. Also, we've been kind of winging the weekday schedule with the kids for it seems like we should get them into a more long term set schedule.
Gosh this sux. For some reason I've really been emotionally hit hard today. Fortunately I have a friend coming over shortly and we'll be going out for the evening.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
