What do I want to do? Whatever I need to do to get my wife back.
Then quit pursuing her and micro-analyzing everything she does and says and being SOOOOOOO IMPATIENT and work on YOU. As I read through the last few pages I kept looking at your signature and thinking "good grief BD was less than 4 months ago and he really expects to turn things around already?" But I can't beat you up too much over it, because 4 months post-BD I was the exact same way- convinced I was going to beat the odds, convinced that every crumb my ex threw me meant reconciliation was imminent. But it wasn't. Your timeline isn't weeks or months, it's years. Just accept that now because as soon as you do, the better you will realize what you're up against and how much patience this is going to take. Your ex is on the roller coaster, and you're right there on it with her. GET OFF THE ROLLER COASTER. It's the only way forward. Leave her utterly and completely alone. You haven't even begun to give her the time and space she needs.
A guy I work with is engaged to his ex. They split up 6 years ago. THAT is how long it took them to get their crap together and learn to love each other again. BD was over 2 years ago for me, and looking back I realize I never really gave my ex time and space until about 6 to 9 months ago. I THOUGHT I did, but now that I've got some more time and wisdom under my belt I can see I didn't really. I convinced myself I was giving her space, but yet I was pinging her on a regular basis, finding reasons to contact her, finding ways to insert myself into her life, etc. etc. A WAS will simply never recover as long as the LBS is engaging in this kind of behavior. The WAS has to go on a lonely journey of discovery, they have to find the true source of their unhappiness inside themselves. The LBS cannot help them on that journey other than to remove themselves from the equation completely. The more the LBS distracts the WAS the longer it takes the WAS to make their journey. Get out of her way.
