To answer your question more specifically, it was to be a conversation with WAW about whether she should cancel her move to FL and if I should break it off with the new lady.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
What do I want to do? Whatever I need to do to get my wife back. I have cut contact with her. As I said, it was always her who contacted me first until this most recent issue because it was a serious thing regarding her hurting herself. However as I said, I am going back to NC now. As far as concentrating on myself, in fariness, I really have been. I'm quite proud of myself. I had to get a job, car, and apartment in about 40 days. I had to get settled in a new place and to a whole new life. I had to GAL and meet up with old friends and doing things. I met a lady in that process. Plus the WAW sees all of these changes too. So I really have been focusing on myself...I've really had no choice. The only contact I've had with WAW was initiated by her and was all about business. The security deposit check was the last official dealing and that's when we said good-bye "forever." Then came the news that she tried to hurt herself. That was the only time I contacted her ever and that's what led to her being here for two days.
So I will do as you say, NC for WAW at all. I'll just have to wait and see if she goes through with this FL move at the end of September. Either way it's back to NC and GAL for me and focusing on slowly getting to know my new lady friend.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Just an update, my new lady friend and I have broke things off. It was for the best.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
However this creates a dilemma for me. This Sunday is a concert that WAW and I got tickets for months before the bomb drop. She left them for me back in early June. However when she was here the other night she remarked at how much she regretted that as she now wants to go. Well I was taking my ex-new lady friend to the concert. So I am wondering if I should ask WAW to go now since she was originally the one that was supposed to be going. I have a feeling she'd say yes.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Is there anyone else that you could ask? Remember you wanted to go NC. If your W goes, I think you will be full of expectation IMHO. This will set you up to start spinning. If that is what you want to do I have no problem because it is what you want to do.
Just thinking out loud, Hang tough
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
What do I want to do? Whatever I need to do to get my wife back.
Then quit pursuing her and micro-analyzing everything she does and says and being SOOOOOOO IMPATIENT and work on YOU. As I read through the last few pages I kept looking at your signature and thinking "good grief BD was less than 4 months ago and he really expects to turn things around already?" But I can't beat you up too much over it, because 4 months post-BD I was the exact same way- convinced I was going to beat the odds, convinced that every crumb my ex threw me meant reconciliation was imminent. But it wasn't. Your timeline isn't weeks or months, it's years. Just accept that now because as soon as you do, the better you will realize what you're up against and how much patience this is going to take. Your ex is on the roller coaster, and you're right there on it with her. GET OFF THE ROLLER COASTER. It's the only way forward. Leave her utterly and completely alone. You haven't even begun to give her the time and space she needs.
A guy I work with is engaged to his ex. They split up 6 years ago. THAT is how long it took them to get their crap together and learn to love each other again. BD was over 2 years ago for me, and looking back I realize I never really gave my ex time and space until about 6 to 9 months ago. I THOUGHT I did, but now that I've got some more time and wisdom under my belt I can see I didn't really. I convinced myself I was giving her space, but yet I was pinging her on a regular basis, finding reasons to contact her, finding ways to insert myself into her life, etc. etc. A WAS will simply never recover as long as the LBS is engaging in this kind of behavior. The WAS has to go on a lonely journey of discovery, they have to find the true source of their unhappiness inside themselves. The LBS cannot help them on that journey other than to remove themselves from the equation completely. The more the LBS distracts the WAS the longer it takes the WAS to make their journey. Get out of her way.
Thanks for the advice guys, yeah I realize asking WAW is a bad move...it's just for nearly 20 years we've always gone and seen this band together...even met the band in person.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Leave her utterly and completely alone. You haven't even begun to give her the time and space she needs. I never really gave my ex time and space until about 6 to 9 months ago. I THOUGHT I did, but now that I've got some more time and wisdom under my belt I can see I didn't really. I convinced myself I was giving her space, but yet I was pinging her on a regular basis, finding reasons to contact her, finding ways to insert myself into her life, etc. etc.
Okay well I do want to once again state that during this ordeal, I did not ever contact her. So I did not do these things you mention above, never once e-mailed her, never once called her. This last time was the first time and it was only because of the threat of her committing suicide. However before that I never once initiated contact with her...it was always her each and every time. She even remarked on how that annoyed her, how she didn't seem to matter to me, that I never called or e-mailed, that it always had to be her that did or it was like she didn't exist to me. So I was very strict with NC throughout this ordeal, didn't pursue at all. This last encounter with her was where I screwed up by taking the bait hook, line, and sinker based on her words.
Yeah there's other girls I could ask to the concert. NC doesn't work if I am going to a concert with her, I realize this. A very stupid question for me to ask clearly. NC is what I will return to. For now, in NC I stay and if she moves to Florida at the end of September then I have decided that is when I will officially give up completely on her. At some point I have to give up because I won't last years and years alone waiting for her. I don't want to be alone, I'm not getting any younger, and I don't have years to wait for her if she's going to be moving so far away. So in my head and in my heart once she moves, that is when I am letting her go completely forever. I will then officially give up.
If I ever hear from her again or if anything else happens I will update you guys here. Thanks for taking the time to write your posts, I appreciate your time and insight.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
