Finding my way - part 4

[Meghan]

Good points, Lisa. If nothing else, my moral compass won't let me snoop, I don't think, there's just this sense of feeling like if I knew more I could be more in control, or have more answers, or maybe even have an easier thing to blame him for or get angry about.

None of that solves the real issues, though, and none of that is even necessarily true.

For now, the plan is to stay out of contact and focus on me. It was nice to sleep in an actual bed last night, and I'm setting up the apartment so it works for me. I'm seeing lots of opportunities that I didn't before. I can have people over now that there's not a bed in the living room. I can have a dedicated meditation and yoga space. There's more room for projects that I've been putting off.

I'm sad this morning - really sad. The feelings of loss are still going strong in spite of everything else, as are thoughts and questions about what he's doing now and, possibly, with whom. I'm doing what I can to get through it. I'm going to go for a bike ride, make a nice lunch, and spend some more time making this place the way I want it. If I'm up for it, I may try for a bit of work - it could be a good distraction and I'm feeling behind.