My mum back from a holiday in England on Wednesday. I took the day off work to meet her at the airport. I asked WAW if I could have D2 for the day to accompany me, and to hang out in the morning. I said that I intended to do that and prior would take D2 to “Junglerama” with her cousin (my sister’s son). WAW said it sounded lovely and agreed to it. I was really pleased.
On the morning, I picked up D2. WAW informed me D2 was wearing knickers (as opposed to nappies) and this was the new situation as toilet training has been underway. It was a shock for me and I felt quite unprepared. I expressed some of this and said ‘I would like to speak to you [WAW] about D2’. WAW pulled a face and indicated that it wasn’t clear to her what we needed to discuss. I didn’t respond. As I was driving away, all these questions about toilet training were firing in my head.
When I got to my sister’s, I sent WAW a factual message with questions – largely concerning WAW’s approach. I said that I didn’t mean to be over the top, but wanted to ensure D2’s comfort and not to detract from WAW’s efforts by doing things badly. WAW called me up in response. She seemed relaxed and, I think, a little apologetic for being brisk at the handover about all this. She said my questions were completely fair enough. The phone call was good.
D2 and I and everyone else had a really fun day. Mum was really happy with the surprise too. When I was handing back D2, WAW asked me in for a tea. I declined politely – as my neighbours were coming around. I did say that I’d ensure I could have tea in the future as I’d like to do that. It was brief but pleasant.
I sent WAW an email saying thanks again for the day. I then explained that the toilet training hadn’t gone that well (nothing major). I asked more questions about her approach, etc. WAW sent me back a thorough email. I replied with thanks saying it was helpful and reassuring (which it was).
WAW hasn’t wanted to co-parent to date, but as I don’t want to pursue that legally, I’ve found myself ‘catching-up’ with her decisions at times, and doing my best to make that work. I’ve struggled with the lack of input, but I’ve also better at not sweating the small stuff. And I do trust WAW as a great mother (even if we would have different approaches).
25’s 'be ‘right’ or be happy' is really helpful for me. Prior to the separation, being right was a major thing. I guess I’m far more inclined to pick my battles now and rather than producing a sense of giving up or failure. I’m just more comfortable in a broader range of situations and less judgemental.
This morning, WAW let me know she’s going to Auckland (1 hour flight away) while I’ve D2 this weekend. I thanked her for letting me know and said ‘have a good time’. She replied ‘you too’. D2’s crèche is in the building I work. They expressed some concern with where WAW had left the carriage this morning. This was a bit odd as we’ve been leaving it there for almost a year. I sent WAW a message about it which was jokey. She replied with a jokey message. I sent another jokey txt and so did she.
Basically feel happy with these recent events. It feels like it’s getting better. Baby steps!
I’m look forward to the weekend with D2 and my mum back from holiday. I’ve been going to the gym a lot this week so am physically tired and looking forward to a rest. I’ve my work’s Ball on Saturday evening too. I’m feeling a bit conscious of going by myself. There are some good people and it should be fun.
Keep up your DBing all. Stay strong. Have a good weekend.
