Married in name only

[Casey]

Hello,

This is my first thread here; I live with a WAW who has not yet left. This is my second marriage and I have been married almost 10yrs. No children from 1st M, have a 7yr old son with current W. Trouble started last July after W went back to work and culminated in ILYBINILWY speech and request for separation in Sept., discovered 1st OM later that week. There has been one confirmed PA with 2nd OM that was discovered in Feb this year when I found out I had an STD. Confronted W and got lies and denials even in the face of this evidence, W had the nerve to accuse me of giving it to her. W finally admitted to having PA in June after I told her I had talked to OM#2 who had told me everything (bluffing). Currently we work opposite shifts; I work graveyard shift for RR, and W works 2nd shift at a factory. We only see one another for a few minutes each day and Sunday. This is by her design to minimize interaction with me. W does not have money to leave but she is getting ducks in a row to eventually do so; tells her family that we are getting D. I strongly suspect 3rd OM, but have no proof and frankly, I am tired of snooping to find out what I already know. BTW, lack of text messages on phone bill does not mean they ended the A, they are most likely using anonymous service like web-based text messaging or WhatsApp which does not leave a paper trail.

I am here because I have reread DB, which was one of the books I had read at the beginning of my problems; the advice makes much more sense in hindsight. I have been detaching subconsciously for the last several months; initially I was upset/frustrated by lack of sex and rejection and my efforts were aimed at restoring those to my R, the revelations about PA and OM after OM have ended my desire for sex with W; we have not had it now for over a month but it was very sporadic for months before. Now, I want to work on my R with my son and continue to detach from W and her bad behavior. I am unsure if I want to save my M at this point but I feel I owe it to my S to make every effort to do so, and I need to feel in my own mind that I have done the right thing and not made decisions for which I will regret or feel ashamed of.