Update: W moved back into same room and we are now sleeping on the same bed. We haven't made love/sex. Both of us agreed in trying to build our marriage back slowly and not rush back in. As for the A, she insist that it's over. Last week W called me and wanted to meet up to talk. On that day she told me she called the OM and the OM wife and told them both that she did not want any contact with them ever again. Since then, I have been noticing some of her actions towards healing us. She's been caring for me by holding hands, hugging a little, wanting me to hold her when we sleep, I initiate small kisses ( going to back off on this, dont want to ever be clingy or perusing), watching what I eat, saying sorry she hurt me, and she listens oppose to argue with my boundaries. As for boundaries, I told her that if she has any contact with OM, It will be the deal breaker for me. She told me she will be honest to me. I told her I did not trust her and it will take time if we both wanted us to make it. Recently, she came to me and suggested we both goto marriage/ couples therapist. I obliged. I feel delighted, but still skeptical from all the hurt. I just don't want to fall back in and get burned again.
Sandi, I listened to your wisdom and advice through your experience in the fact that one cannot just jump right out of an A and back into a M overnight. I learned to slow Down andtake it day by day. At times I find myself slipping with pursuing and I check myself and back off. It feels great to know that I can actually see how I can get by being a pleaser, recognizing it, and then putting a stop to it.
As of now, I know that I must continue to GAL, be patient, and become admirable to W again. I should be over joyed with happiness that I am at this stage in my journey, but I am not. The A and lies really killed a part of my love and trust for W. at times I just stare at her and ask myself in my mind if this is actually happening and why am I not embracing it. I know, it's trust issues that I have now.
So with this update, can anyone please give me some insights on how I should act around her, what should I do to keep things spontaneous, I know I have a long road to go and guidance on this site has been utmost valuable. Thank you all in advance.
