barely holding on - 2

[u-turn]

I've started a new thread as this one was getting long. (I hope this works)

Link to old thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2474180#Post2474180

Thank you everyone for your ear, mind, and voice.

[u-turn]

Here goes another evening of acting as if. At least it keeps the kids happy. Make dinner, eat dinner, clean dinner, off to separate corners. I've been getting out in the evening (little things like biking or walking the dog. Not social things but it's good to get out of the house.

Last night it was similar. W will tell me about work, I listen, say uh huh and oh really (but really do listen). She doesn't ask me anything about anything. But I guess it's cordial and we are not fighting or completely giving each other the cold shoulder. Sometimes my impatience gets to me and I feel like this could could go on forever this way. It's hard not to wonder what's going on in that head.

[Eatsma]

The not asking anything about anything is totally mind boggling, isn't it?

No advice, I just totally recognize that.

[SunnyB]

The not asking anything about anything is totally mind boggling, isn't it?

Been there done that.

[u-turn]

I think I can count the number of questions she asked me in the last 5 months on 2 hands. She doesn't seem to really want to know anything about how I feel. But that could be because I was telling her anyway.

Well not now - no pursuing. no expectations.

How about this one though. The other day I got an e-mail from W asking if I would be open to going to her bosses vacation cottage for the day sometime in August. I said I would be open to it. Then she says that OM was invited by the boss too (and probably OMW too.)

I don't think I can handle that, but don't think I should stay away. It will probably be the most awkward thing that has ever happened to me.

Thoughts?

[Wet]

Ouch U-turn! But I am a little confused. Did W ask you if you if you would be open to going with her to boss' vacation cottage? Don't you think this should be a boundary for you that will not be in the same spot while OM is there? It would be torture for me, but I'm not walking in your shoes. You have to draw your own boundaries though.

[2Times2Many]

Hi u-turn. Just checking in on your sitch.

I get how hard it is not to know what's going on in their head. I don't remember the context of the conversation (it wasn't about R), but I made a remark about trying to figure out what H was thinking. He told me I didn't want to be inside his head ... that it was a scary place.

Not asking anything about anything makes you feel as though you don't quite know what to do next. It's kind of maddening.

Just keep db'ing. We're all rooting for you.

2T2M

[u-turn]

wet - absolutely a boundary. This has never come up before. I'm not sure why she even suggested that it would be a possibility. I am completely taken back by the thought of the day. Smile and ignore. don't put any drinks in me. I don't think it would be good for anyone.

[2Times2Many]

The other day I got an e-mail from W asking if I would be open to going to her bosses vacation cottage for the day sometime in August. I said I would be open to it. Then she says that OM was invited by the boss too (and probably OMW too.)

I don't know if your presence is or is not important to her job security, but if not, I would politely decline and say I have other plans. Wet is right. That should be a boundary.

[u-turn]

thanks 2t2m
She says she doesn't know what's going on in her head, and not even just about this. She has been forgetful lately which is not like her at all(that is upsetting her too).