Saving my family - Part 13

[Scorp7]

Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to read my story 25years and for all your feedback. It truly is very much appreciated. I'll try to respond to all of your questions.

In fact, I know SOME women do that and for SOME women, you being a bit mysterious about your whereabouts would probably help.

This is something I have been doing during the week when I don't have the kids. I've met a few new people and been spending time with them. I think my W has picked up on that a bit.

I also know you pursued the HECK out of your w til she literally could not stand talking to you on the phone, at all, and would not allow you to speak to your children without "supervision" and she had you arrested---So that she could take the kids to live hours away from you, and only when forced, did she relent and "allow" you to have them more.


I did a LOT of pursuing during the first few months, it definitely did not help. I also let my guilt for my past mistakes put me in a position to almost lose my kids entirely. looking back it's hard to believe I acted as I did. Guilt can be a nasty thing, it's something I'm still working on letting go of.

I ASSUME (but I don't "know") that she saw/sees you as a bully, or she lied the whole time about you, but my gut says she probably did have that perception. She probably knowingly exaggerated but figured "the ends justify the means", etc.


I think she did see me as a bully. I always told her that I wanted her as my partner, an equal, my actions likely said otherwise. I was controlling and my insecurity meant I felt the need to dictate how our life went. She followed me into whatever I would lead us in to and it wasn't very good at times. We had far too much stress, too much pressure and I didn't give her the satisfaction of being happy with our life very often. She is a pleaser and she looked for me to be happy so she could be happy herself.

No offense but if you look at MY time line below, I hope you'll understand why I see your belief that "10 months is so long", and your compulsion to push for more NOW, means your patience level is still juvenile. Since having more patience is a 180 for you, I suggest you work on that a whole lot more.

Besides, the biggest turn on for HER is probably the fact that you moved and spent so much energy on getting to see the kids. IF you start in now pushing for any type of recon, it'll look like it was all tactical to get her back.


10 months does feel like a long time. It may be my insecurity that is causing me to feel that waiting any longer to act would mean we won't get back together. I have to realize that backing off and being patient will give my family the best chance of being back together.

It's interesting you mention that my actions with my kids could be viewed by my W as tactics to get her back. I love my kids more than anything in this world and I want to give them the best father they can have, regardless of my W. If you could view my actions as being some type of ploy to get my W back then it's very possible my W would see it that way as well. I guess the only thing I can do about that is be the best Dad I can possibly be, just as I have been, and over time she may see that I'm doing what I am for them, not for her.

Every single time you asked your w for a "chance to talk", she said no or pulled away more. Every time you calmly and politely SEEMED TO DETACH, she noticed and some of those times, she came to you... My W and I were to sit down together tonight for dinner but she's saying she doesn't have time as she's travelling with our kids on a short holiday she has planned with them and will be driving on unfamiliar roads. I think I believe her reasons for not wanting to sit down but she may also sense my desire to talk and reconnect more.

Did your w or kids attend any funerals or memorials? Did your w reach out to your mom at all, and regardless of the answer, how do you feel about your w's role DURING the illness/passing? Also, I am a L and I know the probate work is taxing (not literally, but you know what i mean) and tedious and oddly stressful. Do you have siblings? God I hope so

I asked my W to attend the funeral and also reached out to her for support. She refused to do either which hurt me although I can understand. She did give me a sympathy card and seemed to genuinely be concerned for me. I do have siblings, some have been supportive and others not at all. The estate is proving to be much more complicated than it should have been due to one sibling in particular which is unfortunate to say the least. Through my whole situation I'm learning just how strong I can be.

It seems that my W has noticed my changes. I'm in great shape, the best I've been in a very long time. I feel good, look good and am adjusting to my new life. The problem is that since she noticed these changes and started to open up a tiny bit I seem to need to rush in and want more. Bad idea, I agree.

Patience, patience, patience. Stick with what has worked, avoid what hasn't. Get over my insecurity and be confident that my W could actually WANT me again.

Thanks again 25yearsmlc!