KGirl - 7 months later...

[KGirl]

Hmm... I kind of see what you are saying, but I guess I feel like his problems are becoming my problems - namely because when he doesn't transfer the bills, now they are being paid partially with MY money, as opposed to just HIS money. I don't want to lose out on $100+ a month. I suppose I could just leave it be and when whatever happens, happens (we'd either close the joint account or start using it again for our joint bills) I could go through the transaction history and figure out what he owes me, though harder to keep track of it and no guarantee I'd get my money back. Maybe what you're saying is that instead of continually stressing about it, I should just remind him of what he agreed to do, leave it at that, and then if it's still not done the next month reassess my strategy?

I had felt like we had gotten to a good place last summer/fall with living with the differences between us (we struggled a bit when we bought a house the year before and managing all of that). But I guess that was just what I felt, and not him. I felt like I was accomodating more than he was, but I loved him enough that he was OK with it. THAT H was fine. But then the H at/after BD said he wasn't standing up for himself, not getting his needs met, etc., and then he became much more pushy and selfish, for lack of a better description... more "my way or the highway, here's the door if you don't like it, this is what I want and I won't compromise anymore, you're asking too much of me" and this newer H I could not live with (because then I'd have to accomodate and compromise even MORE than I was before to make it work and it's just too much.) Like his complaint after BD about mowing the lawn and doing the dishes being too much in one day - I don't have kids for a reason, I don't want to have to do everything as if I'm his mom.