First off, your situation is not hopeless. Remember to beleive nothing that you hear from WAW and only half of what you see. That was my mantra for a long time. This can change, and they often do at the drop of a dime, when you least expect it. That's what happened to me.
You remind me of me. I am a codependant with childhood abandonment issues as well. Those issues have created many issues in my relationships.
Have you read Codependant No More by Melanie Beatty? I highly suggest you do.
I would also caution you on the Christian based counseling. I too am a Christian, however the advice I have seen given to copendants from such counselors can border on codependancy itself.
My best advice is to start thinking about the guy you were when you first met WAW. Not the closed off, emotinally absent guy. I'm talking about the fun, adventorous, spontaneous guy. Scuba diving lessons is a great idea.
What attracted your WAW to you in the first place? What is different about you now? Being codependant, you probably lost yourself in this relationship and forgot who you really are.
Recognize the things that DO NOT work: pursuing, crying, begging. Have you noticed that those things have NEVER worked and only made things worse? DO NOT allow yourself to fall back into those behaviours, EVER. DO NOT kiss her ass, you are a man full of confidence and charisma. Fake it if you have to.
Recognize the things that DO work: detachment (she already seems to have responded to this), smiling and happy with the kids, GAL. Keep doing more of these things. The results will not come quickly. Your goal is to slowly allow WAW to feel comfortable with you. The more positive interactions you have with her, without falling into negative behaviours, the more likely she will slowly start to increase interaction with you.
I know how devestated you feel. I remember those feelings very vividly. Your sitch is far from over. But YOU are going to have to put in the work. Dont expect squat from her right now.
Consistency is going to be key here. Anytime you are about to do something you are not sure about, post it here first. Never shoot from the hip, because 99% of the time, you will be doing the wrong thing.
In my sitch, I took the vets advice each and every time. It was BRUTAL for me. My feelings were telling me I was going to lose her everytime I took their advice. My feelings were lying to me.
It's going to hurt like hell, but I can do it, you can.
