No. I am not considering asking him to come home, if I gave that impression! (I was re-reading my earlier posts.)
I am not talking about giving him the impression that I'm here no matter what (or who) he does.
I still have my boundaries, to which I am holding fast. I am still scarce, don't ask questions, don't communicate often unless necessary, don't ask for anything 90% of the time, I'm busy, GALing, PMAing, STFUing... all that is the same.
On the positive side, he has been here when he said he would be, is generally treating me with respect and consideration, is paying the bills, being pretty transparent about the basic stuff, is nice to me and does nice little things for me.
As with any lab animal, it seems I should be providing POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT for the things he is getting "right".
Otherwise, why would he repeat the behavior?
He's got to know that his efforts are being noticed too.
Likewise with the negative reinforcement/punishment. Which amounts to ignoring bad behavior that is "unknown" or not a deal-breaker, and having consequences for behavior which crosses my boundaries.
If he is not crossing my boundaries, I see no need to use punishment.
He shows concern for my welfare in small ways consistently. I feel I should reward this with a peanut.
Up until recently, he always let me know his whereabouts. He stopped doing that when I stopped doing that. The behavior is becoming extinguished as we speak...
Now it's like tit-for-tat.
"Well, if YOU want to be mysterious and start "dating" and not contact me for days, then I'll do it to you TOO!"
I don't think this would be his mode, except that he is taking his cues from me, as I said.
I don't think that's moving us closer together, just farther apart.
It's all just dog training. Reward what you want to see more of, ignore bad behavior unless it becomes dangerous or crosses your boundaries.
That's the plan.
I wouldn't "reward" him for just showing up and sucking air....
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
