I have thought quite a lot about whether or not to post this.
A major goal is the restoration of marriage. And a wise poster - 25yearMLC says you can be happy or be right.
I had a long and happy marriage, and for a long time I wanted the chance to restore my marriage. I did a lot of things wrong - a LOT believe me, and looking back I might have done it better, and I might still be married.
But at what price? Turns out my xh had some major issues - bigger than I suspected, and until he was prepared to do some emotinal heavy lifting on these, really, I have come to the sad conclusion that I wouldn't want to be a relationship with him.
We are not a soft landing for another troubled human being. Marriage is about compromise - I totally get that, but it takes two to make it dynamic.
What do you really want? A long history is a lot to jettison I know, but what I now want from life is not what I wanted during my marriage. I used a lot of emotional energy, keeping things afloat.
It sounds like your h has some major sexual issues that he maybe needs professional help with, if you are going to have a happy future together. How much does this matter, if he doesn't get help. I suspect that they will not go away but resurface periodically.
Not to rain on anyone's parade, there have been several cases of reconciliation and then a second MLC because the issues had never been addressed, and did not go away. This is not invariable, by any means, but worth thinking about.
Beatrice, I came to check on GoatGal. Your post has hit a cord (a very useful one). This is so true - Sound advice that we can benefit from. Thx. p. (Back to reading! )
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
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