GG,
First, I'd like to say it is your life and your M. You should do whatever YOU feel is best. I tried so very hard to my M work. I gave my W my time, energy, love, affection, etc. I did everything I could to help her understand that she was loved and wanted. None of that made a bit of difference. All I ended up doing was losing me in the process. Think about what he has been doing with the on line stuff, OW, etc. If you have to become someone you're not to get someone who could do the things he's done is it worth it? Do you want to walk on egg shells the rest of your life for someone who could at any moment repeat the crap he has already done? Someone who you may never really trust and who doesn't trust you not because of anything you have done but because of the things he's done and he's knows are wrong but did them anyway?

He MUST know that you want the M to work. If he doesn't he is blind deaf and dumb. You have tried in so many ways to let him know this. If he was a suitor and not your H already, would you allow him to act the way he has? GG, when someone is cheating and you say if he doesn't stop you will end up D and he files it isn't normal. It shows that he wanted to control you.

Being loving, loyal and honest and true makes no difference to these selfish jerks who our S's have turned into. People show you through their own actions what it is they value. He cheated, lied (and still is), is actively seeking out other people to bring into his life, is mean and judgmental...is this who you want in your life?

My W knows I want our M and that I love her and care about her. None of that matters. It wasn't what you did or didn't do that caused him to go off the rails and I don't believe anything we do can change a thing that they are going to do. At some point he will either see you for the great person you are or he won't. In the mean time live the life you would want to live if he wasn't around. Try as best as you can to be happy with who you are. If he ever really wants to repair the damage he has done he will start to do what he needs to to do that.

I'm on your side GG as we all are here. We all are here (at least at the start) because we want our M's to work and I really hope that happens for you. I'm just not sure from what you have posted that GUBU is anywhere near where he is ready to do that yet.