GGG - I very much relate to a lot of what you said. Apart from the particular sexual issues, our spouses sound a lot alike. A lot.
My xh achieved intimacy through sex, and it was very very important to him. I believe (probably tmi here) that he was afraid of not being able to perform, because he didn't know where it would leave him as a man. It hadn't happened, but he had a terror of it. And the OW1 OMG We called her the town bike. I realise people do not get that way without a lot of damage themselves, but it was embarrassing to everyone that he took up with her. So with her he was getting all this thrilling stuff . . . .
But the sexual issues are actually a proxy for their problems. Yes, I would have worked on my marriage if my xh had decided to come back. He was a sweet guy and we loved each other.
But life has its own compensations. I am sure you will not sit at home waiting for this poor guy to sort himself out!
