I came by to check on how you were yesterday (evening). Glad to see that you noticed that post was locked. You explained so much(!), including the people for 'examples' your W had & the patterns she's following. Your post was beautifully explained.
re: >>> How can my W buy this crap? <<< I often wonder about this, but when it comes to family & parents/how we grew up - logic has no place. Emotion rules (I know this from personal experience ).
>> I have a feeling that my W isn't getting what she thought she would from leaving. <<< I think so too. But like most MLCers she cannot handle confronting herself. You are receving the wrath for this revelation (on top of all), as her realization isn't what she thought it would be. She must be SO angry with herself .. & possibly (?!) her father on some level. After all, he still hasn't 'come through' for her, he isn't 'feel good' & she must 'experience that reality' somehow- who knows? But I assume her expectations re FIL & reality do not 'match'. She's angry & you're the punching bag.
>> I have real fear for my D14 if she ever needs to depend on her mother. I fear what my W will do and who she will become as the realization of what she has done hits her down the road. She is so very lost and is going deeper and deeper into the woods every day. One day she will stop running and look back and see that she is totally lost. What happens then? <<
Communication (but not too much all the time) will be important here. Also open-mindedness (unlike W), a willingness to get help it should she need to in future. She has to understand that it is the prevention/analogy cure - so that her own life would be happier & fulfiling after this ordeal during her teen + years, impacting on her youth - time lost. She is lucky to have you for a father - you are both in this together & will get through.
After reading your locked post ... I eventually found this, your new thread late last night ... & MORE - your continuing stress with this woman!!!!!
>> So much stress. I've been so stressed for long much of it because of my W. It isn't healthy and when the D is final, I lose my insurance! I need to find some way to de stress and find some kind of peace before I go insane and have my own "crisis! <<
Sorry about D /school. You are what's best for - it isn't wrong to not have mom if mom is that unstable! Parents protect their children. It was good that you didn't go into work - you really are tired & really need to decompress soon! --------------------- I just read the remaining (new thread) replies (had started above but didn't finish last night). This is a lot for you - this is prolonged. You got some great advice. Matt you have to take a break OR 'break' . if you can't concentrate from too much nervous tension - then try walking ..something physical. Put on background music - get your mind off sitch if only for 10 mins at a time. Your brain needs breaks from the bombarding actions of this toxic MLCer, your W!
I like the suggestion re: writing grateful as well. I will put that into my own 'treatment plan' ... to build my immunity against 'MLC madness' (re grateful - I read something recently re: starting over in midlife - it was the very last (lengthy !!) comment that resinated with me. I don'r know if I can post link here, but will include details later on ...)
Work on getting strong Matt - we all must. After her/W's father's passing, I think that it highly probable that she may start her own healing without the 'influencing triggers' ALWAYS at her side, always prodding her along. However, that is no guarantee - the human condition is so complex. When my own gran died, my father said he thought he would have peace after her passing. He didn't. He had come to the realization that her death did not change anything - the war continued within him until his own passing.
Work on getting breaks from this chaos - it is your way out. I am dishearthened to read that financial is another burden for you. Take a deep breathe & make a plan for you. Re: taking breaks - your brain will 'thank' you for it (it also means that some of the crud left by th eMLCer would be out of the way, so that you could think more effectively for your future life & that of D14)
Will check on you later, ok? ...
Oh, just thought of what I am grateful for!!! YOU & so many of the posters here - those who have been to my threads & those who haven't - who I learned from (!) when I read their stories. I am grateful for this lifeline .. THANK GOD for TECHNOLOGY - can't conceive going through this without it.
Last edited by pbetra; 08/07/1412:30 PM.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
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. if you can't concentrate from too much nervous tension - then try walking ..something physical. Put on background music - get your mind off sitch if only for 10 mins at a time. Your brain needs breaks from the bombarding actions of this toxic MLCer, your W! 
