Matt, I was reading part of your thread last night and it sounded familiar between my ex and I. However I must admit I was the one that tried to line out exactly when and where XH could and would see the kids. However that was all in the name of drawing a firm solid boundary line with him! Ex for a while didn't seem to understand why I didn't leave the welcome mat out let alone a red carpet for him anytime he wanted to come by! He was at the house un announced while I was at work, picking up the girls and taking them where ever he wanted and letting me know AFTER he had done it, making plans with them behind my back at the last minute without any consult to me and respect for my plans with them, I mean it just went on and on!
So when I drew the line, and then OW came into the picture and they didn't want to go, that's when he started raging about MAKING the kids see him, and why should he pay child support when he didn't ever see them (at this point the kids refused to stay with him and OW at all!)and of course I was allowing this all to happen!
It's a control tactic Matt. My only advice is speak your truth, have D14 speak her truth to the judge and your attorney, and hopefully they will come to a very fair agreement and visitation schedule. I have to say here in Oregon they are really pro child well being! My attorney was so wonderful in supporting my girls, yet he was fair in knowing XH still had his right to see the children despite the fact he wasn't very deserving at the time.
Yes Bea, I told D14 that she needs to speak to him in very clear, concise, but direct ways to get the point across. I told her she needs to say " Im mad at you because...... and it makes me feel....".
Right now she just wants to be mean and nasty because she's now releasing 3 years of pent up anger, frustration, and resentment.
My side of the story.... sheesh. Now when he did first leave, the girls asked me several times why he left. I told them the best I knew how without all the gorey details. They never did ask Xh, but all he did was sit them down for 2 minutes and say " your mother and I have been having problems for a long time. It's better this way".
Xh husband left the responsibility to me to tell them and said " well whatever you tell them let me know so I can back you up".
Wishing... I agree. If it keeps up and he starts to get worse, I will let him have it, but more than likely just walk away.
There is absolutely NO REASONING WITH THIS MAN UNLESS IT SUITS HIM. PERIOD. I swear he's gotten worse in the last 3 years, if that was even possible! Just how far do these jokers get into replay? I STILL TO THIS DAY, have waves of disbelief that this is who he has become!
To top it off, it sounds like he's showing his true colors to the new wife. Apparently he made her take out her dentures in front of all her grand kids and show them what happens if you don't take care of your teeth! D11 was there along with OW's family when this happened. D11 said there was a very awkward silence after that and the only one that laughed was XH.
Granted I don't care for OW.... THAT WAS JUST DAMN RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL TO HER. According to D11 it sounded like she was uncomfortable doing it, but she did it anyway???
I swear this has become a nightmare I can't seem to wake up from!
