Wife still in MLC but has now left #2

[Shining]

This is so hard. You are right about everything you wrote. But it still is what's happened. The inner peace is going to be such a sweet feeling when you get there. This is all an illusion of bad things that maybe not all really bad, but they are covering up good things you will eventually see. Let the bad float away, unattached to your emotions.

It's the trail of destruction to so many I care about as well.

That is the hard part, for sure. But, an opportunity to learn REAL forgiveness. The gift of this release is for YOU. And then teach this to your daughters by leading by example.

My oldest D19 has had to move in with her boyfriend,

D19 had to move in with bf? Had to, or chose to? There were actually zero other options? Again, I'm not challenging the way you feel, but more often than not, there are alternatives that we ignore due to pride or (and I'm sorry to say) some people find it easier to be a victim. "Had to" are victim words. Not sure if they were your words, or D19.

my youngest has had just about every part of her life destroyed from losing her friends, her home, her mother, her pets, everything

Destroyed is a terrible way to feel. But it doesn't have to be for long. Again, you can choose to view it differently. How do you know she won't meet more friends she likes better? There are endless possibilities of good that can come from this, they just aren't seen yet.

My MIL cries every time she talks to my W on the phone (my D14 told me this when she was staying with her),

This fact hurts, but it doesn't have you in it. You can't control or change the fact that any person cries on the phone any more than you can control the sunrise. These are the things you have to let go, and let others deal in their way, without owning their pain. It's not your fault, nor is it your problem to fix. And having those facts communicated to you from D14 will only cause you to become upset. I learned this the hard way, too. How did D14 know about the crying? Is it something she was told and can learn to request a boundary, that others such as your W or MIL not tell her these things? Nothing good can come of this kind of info passing. Spiral to negative is all. Maybe tell D14 that you are open and willing to hear or talk about conversations, as long as they relate to D14. It clearly bothered D14 to know about the crying, and it's great that she feels open enough to tell you. Also perfect opportunity to teach D14 what she can and can not control. Feel bad, but don't stew.

I just can't help my girls financially now because my W picked when I was making the least I have in the last 20 years. Not to mention the stress from the way my W has been acting (depression/anxiety, MLC, etc.) for the last several years and I am a bit overwhelmed

You have every right to resent her for the timing and the financial problems. You planned things one way, and she changed the rules on you. But it seems like a very "stuck" and counterproductive thing to continue to hold the anger and resentment. It's sooooo hard to do, but forgive her. Forgive it all. It will feel fake and lying to yourself the first few days, but the energy you put out is the energy you receive. Your world will change when you can truly forgive and know that her crappy decisions were awful, but you didn't cause it, you can't change it, so you have to release it from your thoughts.

I'm pointing this out in love, and with the best intentions. Which of these examples can you control or change? The facts are what they are. However, the perspective doesn't need to be as painful it feels to you, not for this long. You can choose differently. It's hard, but you can.

Perhaps you could think of this as your way of "coming out of your non-MLC tunnel", and learning the difficult life-lesson of true forgiveness. You may not want to do the work because it's hard, and facing the pain and fear of the future can be paralyzing. But what you're doing now is much, much harder. Your heart is blocked. It is only hurting you. Forgive. Good will come.