It has been over a year since I was last on the site. For what its worth I thought I would post the final chapter of my story. So many times people just drop off the site as I did for the past year without providing closure to their story.
After almost 5 years my wife has finally moved out into her own home this week. Its not the final outcome that I wanted but in the end its probably the best outcome. I tried everything possible to give my wife every opportunity to try and work things out but she had already emotionally left the marriage.
A brief recap of my situation was I noticed about 5 years ago that my wife was becoming more and more distant. We had drifted apart with time spent on careers and having 3 kids. We were also very different from a money perspective, she was a spender and I was a saver. However we were similar in that we were never comfortable sharing our concerns about the marriage with each other.
I finally confronted her about the situation and she confirmed that she no longer had feelings for me. I was devasted and celt like I had hit rock bottom. I knew we had some issues but I never thought that she had checked out to the extent that she had. I asked if there was another man and she said no, she would never do that to me. I immediately went on-line and came across this website for help. I bought the books and worked my way through a self improvement journey that has made me a better person overall.
Although my wife said their was no one else, I had my suspicions like most on this site. A year after the initial bomb was dropped I found evidence of an affair and confronted my wife. She acknowledged the affair with a co-worker. At the point I said she had a choice to make, either drop the affair or move out. She elected to stay in the family home but continued to be "friends" with the co-worker and continued their relationship for work encounters and nightly texting which she thought I was unaware of.
Finally earlier this year I had enough of the "friend" and Said to her that I am not telling you what to do, but the fact that you continue to secretely hang out with this guy and thing I am too naïve to know what is going is very disrectful. She retreated into her bedroom for 3 months, leaving only to go to work and eat. She finally emerged and said that she wanted to move out but didn't know how. I drew up a separation offer which she said was more than fair and I gave her the down payment to buy a house.
She moved in on Monday and is settling in. We are on good terms and are making sure that everything is done for the benefit of the kids. I am also looking forward to starting a new part of my life and hope to meet someone special to spend the rest of my life with.
This is a journey that I don't want to repeat and I have my ex-wife to thank for making me a better person and father. My only regret is that I didn't find this site sooner and made those positive changes in myself that may have changed my wife's thinking before she emotionally shut down.
I was an inpatient, money focused and controlling person that was probably not very much fun to live with. My wife has acknowledged that I am a much better person but unfortaunately those changes came much too late for her.
Anyway, good luck to the rest of you on this site. Either way, at some point you will find happiness either through a renewed marriage or a new relationship. I hit some pretty low points over the past 4.5 years and it is truly amazing how the human mind and heart can recover over time.
